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Not fully straight


Jade
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Okay, this is something that only a select few in my family knows about, but I'm not fully straight which isn't really problem in itself, my family took awhile, but they're okay with the idea of me or any of my cousins not being straight, but still worry about what the world would do to us.

My issue is that I don't feel comfortable labeling myself as bisexual. I prefer men and know that it's a man I will hopefully fall in love with and get married; but I feel a purely sexual attraction towards women. I would have sex with them nothing more; I just don't have the desire to want an emotional realationship with them. I can have a one night stand with a woman(I haven't, but would like to) and not think twice about it afterwards, but when I tried it once with an old classmate in collge, it nearly devastated me because I had become so attached to him that I wanted more than sex(but he didn't so I ended it). I also know from watching a lot porn, that I feel women are better sex parnters. For example, when I masturabate I orgasm fast when I fantasy about a woman, but it's takes forever when I try to picture a man.

This got so bad, that I had actually considered only going for "butch" women since I would be basically getting the best of both worlds, but gave up on that when I found myself wanting to refer to them as "he" in my fanstasies and that would be unfair to both of us; one night stand or not, I hate leading people on(I've been on the receiving end of that too many times).

So, to make things easier when asked I say I'm straight even though I know that is a lie. I mean, I know I'll only find love in a man, but I can't deny my sexual attraction to women(my goal is to have a one night stand with a woman at least once). Again, like I said I don't feel comfortable labeling myself bisexual because that would imply I like both genders equally when I've just made it perfectly clear that I don't.

So, my question is am I still "confused" or am I one of those people who can't be defined? Don't get me wrong, I've stopped obsessing over labels(it's more of a headache than anything) a long time ago, but sexuality is one of those things I feel needs to be defined. I mean, what man, who isn't secretly wishing for a threesome, is going to want to date a woman who isn't completely straight? I need to know where I stand so my future boyfriend doesn't have to worry that I might leave him for a woman and then decide to dump me because of it.

I was going to go to my grave with this and continue passing for 100% straight, but I'm tired of feeling like a fake.

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Not many people are fully straight, fully gay, or exactly bisexual. It's a whole continuum with most of us falling somewhere in between those labels. You might want to do some reading on the Kinsey scale. It sounds like you prefer men in relationships but fantasize about women sometimes. This is perfectly within the bounds of straight behavior. Straight IMHO means you prefer the opposite sex, not that you never think about anyone of the same sex.

Plenty of men know that very few women are exactly 100% straight. This does not mean that they only form relationships with an eye to having a threesome later. There is much more to a relationship than concerns about whether you are going to leave him for another woman. Some guys might have a problem with this, but I think that many wouldn't. Your personality and the chemistry between the two of you is going to be much more important.

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