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Recovering Domestic Violence PTSD Trying New Relationship


LoverGirl
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My ex husband is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I am pretty sure. I am not a psychiatrist but it seems to be the case. He sometimes stalks me at the children's school and is there when he has no business being there except to watch me. He has a lot of extreme religious beliefs including that I am not allowed to ever remarry.

I was dating a really nice guy and the guy took off. It is unclear if the bf is just afraid of my ex. He asked me if I still have a restraining order agains the ExH and I said it expired. Then I never saw my friend again. He calls and texts but has not made arrangements to see me in person. It has been a few months. I am heartbroken a bit. The other thing is, the nice guy is an admitted commitment phobe. So I am really confused about this. I am worried no man will want to date me when they hear how crazy my ex is.

I am trying to get rid of the fear of my ex so I won't project it on my children. A lot of my friends have distanced themselves from me because the stress of having my ex be a jerk on the field when the kids are trying to play organized sports, etc. and he is calling the cops on me for no reason and stupid stuff trying to "get me in trouble." He actually brought me to court saying I am a threat to him and his evidence was just pictures of me walking on the same public field that our kids were playing on. He tried to get a restraining order against me, but it was thrown out. However, the damage is done. With him acting nuts... it makes my friends just want to distance themselves from the situation. It is a terrible stress on the children.

I am sure I was needy .. but I really miss my bf because I am very isolated with this problem right now. Yes I have a therapist. But I am having trouble handling fear of my ex, fear of losing friends, fear of retaliation for dumping my ex. I have PTSD from a previous event unrelated to my ex. I had it when we got married and he knew it. I was surprised he had the nerve to bully me knowing I have PTSD.

My ex has not actually hit me in a few years or hit my child in a few years but he has stalked me in the last few weeks. I think he just gets off on making me afraid. He is trying to get full custody of my children too, and making up lies and on a smear campaign trying to get custody away. His mentality seems to be all about punishing me for dumping him. He does not pay ordered support either. I am looking for work. It is very hard being this alone and really wanting to move on. I don't want to cling to the wrong people just because I am afraid of my exH.

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Or you could try something that doesn't leave someone dead ...

'Cause honestly, he doesn't seem worth it.

The self-styled "commitment phobe" probably just hit his limit; it's better to find that limit now than later, isn't it?

I think it's very perceptive of you to realize that a person could cling to the wrong types, as a result of a traumatic history. Do you have resources locally that respond to violence against women? They might sponsor therapy groups that would be helpful and affordable. It's very helpful not to be alone with your thoughts about what happened, and even about what may happen in the future.

And the other thing I would suggest is to pursue the late support payments, in court if necessary. Many states are much more severe than they used to be towards guys who don't support their children. And simple, provable, true statements will outweigh anything he can make up about you, in the eyes of the law.

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