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I'm 16 and scared im a pedophile. Is this POCD?


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Hi im new to this forum. I wouldnt have came here if i didnt need reassurence i couldn't find somewhere else.

Recently, I have been questioning myself if i am a pedophile. I keep saying im not but the thought doesn't leave my head. Now I am a very sexually orientated kid. I'lll be turned on by many things, But then it'll disgust me later on. And an urge over takes me in which i think i have to masturbate or i think i'll go crazy. Now i am a straight male all my life, I already got over the thoughts of me thinking i was homosexual. Since i was a little child i've had minor OCD i was never diagnosed but i knew i had OCD. Every simptom has pertained at least once to something i do. And i have a friend who also has OCD and Anxeity who fills my head with all these fears of mental illnesses. (Just felt i had to mention the OCD part Maybe it can factor in). Now i have never been sexually attracted to a minor i have never thought i want to molest a minor or sexually engage them if the thought has ever popped into my head it has sent shivers through me and i've shaked it off. But like i said before im a sexually orientated person i masturbate everyday experimenting different things except for "gay", I've even masturbated to transexual porn. I do think im weird, but when im turned on all thoughts have escaped my head , and i just think i have to release for me to be able to think straight agian. This is where the fear comes in.

A few months back the thought of how does a child look like popped into my head. This was when i was already turned on. And the thought quickly left my head i got scared and the sensation went away. I also think this may be the fault of so much anime that i watch, and you know how these shows are now a days if you watch anime. They portray little girls or boys and make them look overboard cute on purpose. Now one day i was turned on and i was looking up one of my favorite characters and some very explicit images turned up where he was doing things to a minor of the show. and so this turned me on even more and i went on to do my "buisness". around 2 years ago I went over to my friends house, and his little niece was there.(I have always been welcomed in his house and most of his family loves me. I think his niece is now in 4th or 5th grade and i always used to play around as a child with her when i went over to play some video games). she always used to sit on my lap when i talked or played with my friend and this time she did the same thing. But this timed she was wearing a kinda tight white tank top and shorts i guess its appropiate wear since it was summer time. and as i was conversing with my friend i felt strange and i dont know if this was just me feeling weird or if i was getting turned on by a girl sitting on my lap i mean i was going through puberty so i shook it off. That thought never came back until recently like last year where one day i was turned on and looking for something to help me release. i thought i was going mad as I had been trying to surpress the feeling Because of a promise i made to myself that i was going to try to stop masturbating every day. And the thought of her sitting on my lap accompanied with other things as this thought was the last thing to reach my mind helped me ejaculate. I got scared. As this Girl wasnt even 12 or 13 yet. Again as did before i shook off the thought and left it alone.

As i have masturbated to the image of anime characters that appear to be minor as other things. The thoughts of me being a pedophile escalated until one day and this had happend at least 3 times. I have tried looking up images of loli's or minors. Now these things have gotten me scared and they have disgusted and confused me . As im not attracted to kids or the characters I never have been. But when i get turned on i'll masturbate to anything just to release. And then i'll think theres something wrong with me. I can be in a room with a little girl or boy and nothing will cross my mind, and the proof is that im a babysitter and im always taking care of this 8yr old and 13yr old sisters as a favor to my mom's friend. Not once has anything ever crossed my mind i have never been turned on by the children i have never had any thougths. the only time any of this had happened besides the incident i mentioned involving the niece is when im on the computer, and im trying to beat off. Now i've ignored the thought of being a pedophile fore quite some time as i thought this was just a phase. One time i thought let me release to the image of a certain character that was being portrayed as a minor and i quickly shunned it and beat off to something else. the thought never came into my head again. What i think is wrong with me is that whenever im sexually turned on and im by myself with my computer i'll do anything to release. I dont think im a pedophile but the thought doesnt leave my head now My Ocd has been acting up recently maybe that is the cause of these thoughts. i just need reassurance. I know this may sound confusing, but i just need someone to tell me im not a pedophile. besides everything i just mentioned i have never thought of a child that way and i dont think i ever will in the future as im in a relationship now that can keep my mind off my sexual urges. I never acted on the feeling except for once when i was at home alone. I would never act on the feeling i think the real problem here are the sexual urges i get. If you want anymore information or want me to explain in a more orderly fashion please send me a message if thats possible on this forum. I just want to get my thoughts straight. I dont want to think im a pedophile and me be afraid that i'll act on my own kids in the future

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At 16, daily masturbation is not a sign of sexual aberration. It's more like a sign that you still have a pulse.

You mention a past episode of an obsessive thought pattern. That suggests exploring that possibility first. So, if someone told you definitely that it was OCD, would you expect it to just go away? I'm not sure it works that way; I would assume that the need to obsess would just find something else to worry about, wouldn't you? Isn't that in fact what happened with your homosexual fears?

So, the question is, what would work? Would you consider asking your folks to take you to a psychiatrist, because you think you might be obsessing? You don't have to tell them what about; it should be enough to say that you keep worrying about stuff and you don't feel like you can stop yourself. Then, a doctor could examine you and tell you what they think. If it's OCD, it's treatable, and then you won't have these worries any more.

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aww dude I'm sure all that will pass your at the age where you are highly sexual but maybe going to seek out professional help will be a good idea

I am going guess your from the states here in Europe sex is everywhere you can openly buy newspapers with tits all inside of it I was just the same as us (not with the minor thing) but I was "jacking" off to ladyboys or even the tits in the paper in the school loos your young I am sure you will settle down and start to grow out of it .. but you might be better if you did seek out some professional help ... I wish you all the best dude .. maybe if you try and stop watching anime as I have never seen it myself but as you say its all about young looking boys and girls lol its from Japan there just weird anyway but out there I hear its ok to read a anime mag on the train while going to work but maybe watching it anit helping you as you are so highly sexual .. maybe if you stop watching those kinds of shows and just stick to the milf porn or something you can't stop yourself some "jerking" off your young so just try and stick to older looking women while you are so highly sexual at a young age .. but best of luck dude

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