Feeling Very Alone, Very Scared

[Morea]

I guess this is where we introduce ourselves...

Hi?

I recently turned 25 and feel that my life is slipping through my fingers and that I'm wasting it all. I moved across the country to chase my dreams, only to find, not even a year later, that I didn't want what I was chasing. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing.

I was diagnosed with depression in 9th grade and moderate anxiety in college. I haven't been on meds in years, and have previously found success with lifestyle and diet plans (as well as counseling).

But now I am alone, and completely lost, and have no direction. I have no one I can talk to, and I don't have people within 2 hours of me that I can even hang out with. I hate my job. I have nothing to look forward to. And when I try to change anything, my anxiety takes hold and I freeze. I also am flat broke, so therapy seems out of the question.

I'm so scared because it's been getting worse. I don't see any hope of it ever getting better, and I don't have suicide plans, but I don't know why I keep going. I don't know or see the point in this life, yet I can't see anything better. I don't feel that I deserve anything.

I'm so, so tired of being alone and scared and always crying and unable to sleep.

It's easier for me to type than to talk (I cry when I try to even allude to my deep soul-sadness), so I'm glad I found this forum.

-Morea

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Morea.

I'm sorry you're feeling scared and depressed. It's good to reach out when you need to. It's easier for me to type than talk too; I can relate to that. Do you have any family you can call for support? I think we all need human contact and especially when we're hurting. Feel free to express yourself here as much as you need to and feel comfortable with. We're here to listen.

[Luna-]

Hi Morea

Welcome.

You know it sounds like another depressive episode. No doubt the facts of our lives, even when those seem hopeless (I can relate) can be a significant factor, the circumstances can develop into a clinical depression. Then it is like trying to walk through molasses. Can you afford to see a doctor and can you afford some meds?

Have you done that thing of thinking of what you would really like to do? What would you need to make things better?

[xLucettax]

I was lost and confused about my life and where to go, so many dreams but none of them turned out to be what I really wanted. You'll have to soul search and dig deep, and ask God in prayer what you should do in your life.

I know that my calling in life was writing, but I kept running from it because i wanted to become an entreprenuer or someone that makes a lot of money and I knew this wasn't right for me....but I just ignored that fact. I finally accepted that i was to be a writer. and I'm SO much happier and have more purpose in my life to help people through my writing.

For me personally when i can't sleep I ask God in prayer that he help me get to sleep with pleasent dreams. (i usually have nightmares/bad dreams so I ask for some relief from them and it usually happens when i pray to have them stop).

Exercise, being out in the sun, eating right, meditation, and going out and making yourself busy will make depression a little lighter.

Good luck.

This too shall pass.

care about ya!

<3