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son with bipolar coming home from rehab


brooks21
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My 20 year-old son has Bipolar Disorder, and the last 6 years have been very difficult. He is being released from a court-ordered alcohol and drug inpatient rehab just before Christmas. When he was last home toward the end he went of his meds, and was nightly coming in drunk or stoned. I ended up taking two weeks off work (my vacation) so I could sleep on the sofa, as I needed to be there whenever he stumbled in and fell asleep, often with a lit cigarette. I also felt I needed to be there to keep an eye on him so he did not die from an overdose.

So, as much as I love him, when he is in jail, or now rehab, I get to have a normal life. I am worried about him coming back, there is only so much I can handle before it begins to cause problems with my ability to do my job and my health. Anyone have any ideas for ways I can stay healthy and lovingly cope with and set boundaries with him, if he relapses?

Brooks21

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Hi Brooks21

So, as much as I love him, when he is in jail, or now rehab, I get to have a normal life. I am worried about him coming back, there is only so much I can handle before it begins to cause problems with my ability to do my job and my health. Anyone have any ideas for ways I can stay healthy and lovingly cope with and set boundaries with him, if he relapses?

Brooks21

You need to set the boundries to him before he comes home! You need to tell him straight how you feel about him coming back to live with you? You also need to state rules! Simply, by explaining to him that you will gladly have him come and live with you, but the first rule he breaks, then he will be out on his arse!

I mean he's 20yrs old. I too suffer from BPD and I know my limits! I know my circumstances are different, but if he is to come back and live with you, then he needs to abide by your rules. Plus ,also respect!

Is there no Social Services you could have a word with at the hospital before he gets discharged? Some one who you can tell your fears to?

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Thank you Paula, for your response. I did have a signed agreement with him last time when he was released from jail. It worked until he relapsed. He did well for awhile, paid rent, worked, did chores, then boom, he uses again, quits taking his meds, and it all slides away. Luckily he is going to be on intensive probation this time. They will give him a UA if I request it, and put him in jail if he violates the rules, so hopefully there will be more support this time. I feel better just "talking" about it.

Brooks21

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Hi Brooks21

Luckily he is going to be on intensive probation this time. They will give him a UA if I request it, and put him in jail if he violates the rules, so hopefully there will be more support this time.

What is a UA? Do you mean some kind of order? I'm from the UK you see?

Regards support, do you have a Social Services over there? How long is he going to be on this intensive training? You want to get something written up, something that is solid, and would act as security for you incase he does happen to relaps again! You don't want to be living in fear again do you?

I hope everything works out!

Take care

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Paula,

To answer your excellent question, a UA is an abbreviated form of Urine Analysis, mostly done to determine if a person is using illegal substances.

You know, there are so many abbreviations that it causes me to scratch my bald head more than I like to admit. :)

Allan

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Hi Allan

UA

Hi Paula,

To answer your excellent question, a UA is an abbreviated form of Urine Analysis, mostly done to determine if a person is using illegal substances.

You know, there are so many abbreviations that it causes me to scratch my bald head more than I like to admit.

Allan

Do you know that when I read your reply, I- LMAO! (laughed my arse of) at you scratching your bald head. Ha Ha! I can just imagine you sat there on your comp-laptop, going over & over at what I'd written, and repeating it in your head, trying to make sense of what I'd written? Ha! Well it worked didn't it? your wild guess?

On the other hand, I bet you was already laughing? At me not understanding the meaning of what UA meant? I would never of guessed that it meant Urine Analysis? Just goes to show that I'm not in the habit of having my Urine Analyised, only when I'm pregnant, and that won't be happening again!

Apart from being steralised, chance would be a fine thing? It takes Two to make a baby, and as you are aware, I'm on my own! Not that I want another baby! Two's enough! Besides, I think I'm a bit old for that? (45yrs old) I'm no spring chicken now you know? But there is still life in the old girl yet! Ha! Well, Charlie Chaplin managed it didn't he? He still fathered a child a the grand old age of 81. (dirty old git!) Ha!

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I feel so torn because he has overdosed and ended up in the hospital several times, I am worried if I just kick him out he will die. Does that make me an enabler? He does have a mental illness and yet he makes such bad choices.

On some level I don't want him to spend much of his young adult years in the local jail, but at least he is safer there than running around. I did have a written contract. I did not stick with it after he relapsed because of my fears.

Brooks21

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