am i having pedophilic behaviour?

[sunnybabu]

sir, i am very fortunate to be a member in this site.

my problem is that i feel arouse by seeing or looking at hand some young child male or female. i am not able to control the fantasies over them. the imaginations in my fantasies are

** deleted by editor for being too graphic **

if any child who is under age 14 looks attractive and cute i definitely fantasize about them in time of mastuberation.

** deleted by editor for being too graphic **

i felt ashamed and guilt . after that i felt sick for 2 days with that in my mind.

please sir , send me solution of this wicked mental disease. truely waiting for reply sir.

Edited December 15, 2008 by Mark
original language was too graphic for this board

[Mark]

Sunny

I have edited your original post to remove graphic language that is not appropriate for this forum. It is okay to talk about pedophilic urges here, but in order to do that, you must follow our rules. The two rules you need to know about are that you cannot include a graphic description of anything, and you must also put a warning message in the title of your post - including the word "pedophilia" would be okay - so as to warn people who might not want to talk to you about this. We have many people here who have been victimized by pedophilic abusers in the past, and it is a particularly sensitive topic here.

that said, we do recognize that it can be a mental health issue to have pedophilic urges, and it is okay to post about them here so long as it is in the spirit of trying to help yourself gain better control over such urges so that you do not hurt others.

Mark

[IamLove]

From the formally abused--The first step in changing behavior is to acknowlege the fact that it needs to be changed. So bravo! Secondly is to find someone to guide you in accomplishing this goal. I would question what kind of exposure you may have had yourself as a child/young adult. Please realize that this kind of urge will not go away unless you confront it with support. When someone acts on this kind of impulse, like I experienced, it is not just a deviant act for you to be ashamed of or sick from---this act murders the innocence of the innocent ones involved. This permanently damages the fragile preciousness of their youth, and will effect them the rest of their life; even if you can purposely forget. Also, the innocence (and ignorance) of the child involved may cause them to go along with this kind of soul carnage, which may lead you to believe they enjoy the attention---but your soul knows that your mind and body are not acting from your "true" self. The YOU that knows this is wrong, your conscious, needs to learn how to be empowered to gain control over the part of self that tempts you to act maliciously towards the defenseless. I believe in YOU!

Edited December 16, 2008 by IamLove
Needed fixing

[scared]

What you are having is pedophillic behaviour, but that dosent mean you cannot stop it.

I suggest you stop thinking about children, when those thoughts come think of something else FAST, now means NOW! Run through the alphabet in your head to find a letter to think of something from if you cant think of anything else, and relate whatever you think of to yourself to spark a chain of thought which you can follow.

make sure you are getting social contact because the significance of the thoughts you think when you are at home are of great help!

Do not masturbate to fantasies about children, you must stop this because it may lead to actually acting out the behaviour, if you have any dbouts about the damage it may cause a child theres plenty of people who are willing to ram it down your throat!

[paula]

Do you know Scared, I was right chuffed at reading your advice!

I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Paula,

Many of us on this side of the big Pond may not know what "chuffed" means. I know I don't. What does it mean? It seems like it means proud?

Allan

[paula]

"Chuffed?"

Hi Paula,

Many of us on this side of the big Pond may not know what "chuffed" means. I know I don't. What does it mean? It seems like it means proud?

Allan

Sorry Allan, I forgot about the deep blue sea coming in between us? I better re-phrase that or tongues will start wagging? Living over the other side of the world!

'CHUFFED' in my part of the world means 'happy - and yes proud!' Which I am of Scared! He's come such a long way, & I feel a part of that! He has made me happy! Thank you Scared! It means soooo much!

[paula]

Doesn't matter!

[scared]

Thanks for helping me out paula but understand im still not all right, I type messages and then close them, never sure of what to say....

[paula]

Scared do you not understand, you've took that first step and that's brilliant!

I'm really pleased with you honest!

I understood with your post, that's why I kept on replying to you. You genuinlly asked for support, and we gave that to you, and you listened and did something about it! You may say "well I'm not out of the woods yet?" I know that and I understand that! BUT YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT! And I feel that all them post was not just a waste of time!

Not only that Scared, you've took on board, the advice that was given.

To top it all off, you've passed that advice on to someone else who, is maybe not in the same catagory as you, but you knew that it was wrong, and you've acted on that, by passing on your advice to other's!

Do you know, that if I was to meet you in person, I would give you a juicy, big, fat kiss for that! I just can't get over what you've done!

That's the best Christmas Present that anyone could wish for! and Thank you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU! XXX

[Mark]

Scared,

I'm with Paula. It's good to see you speaking this way, given that you experience similar issues. You've given good advice to Sunny. Certainly, masturbation to orgasm is such a pleasurable thing that it tends to reinforce most anything it is associated with. It doesn't help a pedophilic tendency to fantasize about children while masturbating. That said (and I know you know this too), it isn't as simple as simply breaking an association during masturbation and the problem goes away. The interest remains, most likely. But masturbating to it is like throwing fuel on the fire.

Mark

[paula]

See Scared, even the Don (Mark) is on my side. For once!

[silentmist]

It may also help to read about the consequences for victims of sexual abuse. Building an appropriate empathy for children can really help to quash those sexual fantasys as long as the fantasy involves the child wanting sex with an adult and giving informed consent.

Children cannot give informed consent at all, not a single one, anywhere, ever. Understanding this will also make adults far more appealing to you as you appreciate the value of sex in a power balanced relationship. Way more rewarding!

[paula]

Sunnybabu

You want to listen to what Silentmist is saying! And what the rest of them are trying to explain to you, for your own good!

[Mark]

So I'm the "Don" now? I find that to be quite funny!

:cool:

[paula]

You've always been the don 'The gate keeper'.

I see you didn't question the ''for once remark'' though, so I must be right in my remark!

[John Rutledge]

deleted .....

Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[paula]

Hi John

I have certainly been shot a few times by the Don. Not always in the right part of the anatomy, mind you. In fact, I am not sure that I actually possess some of the anatomical parts that the Don has chosen to shoot at ...

Ha Ha! I like that! Have you heard the Don? Giving himself credit as the Don, as in the Godfather?

the Don? as in "the Godfather" sort of Don?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I'm the "Don" now? I find that to be quite funny!

No, the Don as in the Gatekeeper! The one with all the rules and regulations of this site! That's what I mean? You spoke a bit to soon for credit. That's something you've got to earn!

[sunnybabu]

sir i felt very glad to watch ur reply in response to my plead.

i am very sorry to give such graphic description . but u can come to a clear cut picture of my stage in this abnormal behaviour.

i am not able to concentrate in my studies so as to satisfy my wicked fantasies in urging sex.

i have a long term goal in my life and iam about to sacrifice my life in achieving that goal.

do i need to seek any medical treatment or any psychotherapy.

can hypno therapy can change me ?

please help me sir .

truely waiting for ur reply!

[DannyLewis]

sunnybabu,

I'm not sure about hypno-therapy. Psychotherapy is probably more beneficial. I'm not sure where you are from, but in the USA, I believe every state has sex offender treament programs. Most of these psychologists, if not all of them, will take private patients as well. I suggest you search for such a program in your area.

Mark, if you read this, I have a question... Do you, or anyone else in here that reads this, feel that pedophilia is a choice, or are some people pre-dispositioned to it? Years ago we all thought homosexuality was a choice and that people could choose to not be gay, or could be cured of their sexuality. Today we know that is not true. Is it possible that in the near future we have a new term classifying people as pedosexual? Just some food for thought...

[paula]

I would say a choice?

You have a choice whether you want to be a Pedophile or not? You can't say you haven't, because you know that it's wrong yet they still choose to do it!

[scared]

Scared,

I'm with Paula. It's good to see you speaking this way, given that you experience similar issues. You've given good advice to Sunny. Certainly, masturbation to orgasm is such a pleasurable thing that it tends to reinforce most anything it is associated with. It doesn't help a pedophilic tendency to fantasize about children while masturbating. That said (and I know you know this too), it isn't as simple as simply breaking an association during masturbation and the problem goes away. The interest remains, most likely. But masturbating to it is like throwing fuel on the fire.

Mark

The interest would still remain, however it should then be of no more attraction than to that of adults, any preference for the prepubertal I "may" have would only be as much a preference as I would show to a new girlfriend, though I realise this is sketchy ground to you as you are not inside my mind.

I have read there was a servey that showed 1 in 4 adult males showed sexual arousel to pedophillic stimuli, and arousal can easilly be blocked, so the percentage is probally higher. I dont think simply showing arousal to this stuff constitutes a diagnosis of pedophillia, any person who claims to not be able to be aroused be these thoughts cannot prove it, and any person fearful of pedophillia is certian to steer well clear of this stuff.

Merry christmas paula, i hope you have a really good one!

[Mark]

Paula, -> The only "Don" I am aware of is as used in The Godfather. According to this website,

It is a title in Spain (Don/Dona) and Italy (Don/Donna) descending from Latin "dominus," master, lord. It is thus cognate with French/British/Portuguese Dom/Dame and British Dan (judge).

Your use of the term as a gatekeeper/rule-giver is more fitting. I had to laugh before you clarified because I don't feel like a master or lord, and my intent is certainly not to lord over anyone.

As to the question of choice vs. no choice in pedophilic interest; I don't know how to answer that. I'm not aware of any research or theory, emerging or established, that views a pedophilic sexual interest as anything inborn or temperamentally inclined. Instead, this sexual interest is thought to arise from developmental fixations, possibly as a result of having been subject to sexual abuse. Children can be sexualized simply by the action of exposing them to adult sexuality; developmentally, this is always inappropriate and abusive, however, and as we know (and as many here will give direct testimony to) can result in mental health issues.

So - if it isn't biologically given, then is it a choice? I don't think it is that black and white of a thing. Once the interest is established, it is hard to alter it, just as it is hard to alter normal hetero or homosexual interest once it is established (side-stepping the important question of origin of interest). You always have the choice as to how you will behave, but I'm not sure that it is right to say that you have the choice to be interested or not, even when there is nothing in your biology that would force you to be a certain way. Environmental exposure to abuse can alter your brain, I would guess, just as surely as genetic planning.

Danny is right to point out that in the past, homosexuality was thought to be entirely a choice, and not to have any brain basis. Today we know there is a brain basis, but we still don't know where that comes from. There are some genetic theories, and other versions that suggest that maternal hormones influence the developing fetus at sensitive periods of development. The net result is still the same. An interest develops, and the person has little control over the interest, but as much control as they are willing to exert over how they act on that interest.

As always, the issue boils down, in my mind, not to where the urges come from, but whether they can be satisfied without causing damage to other people. Homosexual and heterosexual sexuality between consenting adults doesn't damage anyone. The same kinds of sexuality forced on children constitutes abuse, becuase children cannot give consent. It is not different for pedophilia. Children cannot give consent, and so pedophlic activity is inherently abusive.

Maybe part of the question also is an observation of how the taboo around homosexuality is in the slow process of breaking down, and a wondering out loud whether the same thing will one day happen for pedophilia. I can't speak to that issue, but I can say that I think there is an enduring reason for why pedophilia will always be seen as abusive. I do wish the taboo around it would break down just a bit in order to better enable easier access to therapy for affected individuals.

Mark

[Mark]

sir i felt very glad to watch ur reply in response to my plead.

i am very sorry to give such graphic description . but u can come to a clear cut picture of my stage in this abnormal behaviour.

i am not able to concentrate in my studies so as to satisfy my wicked fantasies in urging sex.

i have a long term goal in my life and iam about to sacrifice my life in achieving that goal.

do i need to seek any medical treatment or any psychotherapy.

can hypno therapy can change me ?

please help me sir .

truely waiting for ur reply!

Sunny,

I think that you would benefit from professional help, based on what you have shared. As I do not know what kinds of help are available to you in your region of India, it's hard to advise you. I would probably suggest psychotherapy over hypnotherapy, but that depends on the quality of the hypnotherapist, and of the psychotherapist. In America, the quality of both can be variable.

You should make yourself aware of the reporting laws that may exist in your region of India. In America, if a therapist comes to believe that a client may pose an immediate threat to the welfare of a child, in most all states, they are legally required to report that client to the police or similar law enforcement agency (e.g., child protective services) who can act to preserve the safety of the threatened child. This is why it is hard to get decent therapy for pedophilia in America. Most people who have this issue find that therapy is not available until after they have been charged with a crime, at which point it is court ordered. That is an incredibly weird situation to my mind, but it has occurred that way because everyone is afraid of lawsuits that might come out of trying to treat someone whose core issue is ultimately a threat to children.

Here are some of the things you should be thinking about, IMHO.

1. you need to separate the pleasure of orgasm from these fantasies. Anything you pair with an orgasm will become stronger and more urgent in your mind, because orgasms are so pleasurable and reinforcing. Stop allowing yourself to masturbate while thinking about children. Simply stop masturbating when such thoughts come to mind. Suppressing the thoughts is not likely to work well, but reinforcing them is something that will only make things worse

2. Try masturbating to more age-appropriate sexual fantasies. It can't hurt, and it might help.

3. A core feature of therapy for sex offenders is sensitization. The idea is to help pedophiles to build a stronger, more accurate image in their minds of what it is like to be a victim of sexual abuse. In so doing, it becomes harder to see children as sexual, because at the same time, they become the victims that they are/will be. So read here and whereever about how sexual abuse affects victims, and do what you can to learn about the victim's point of view. That will help you to restrain yourself better.

Mark

[DannyLewis]

Mark Wrote--"Danny is right to point out that in the past, homosexuality was thought to be entirely a choice, and not to have any brain basis. Today we know there is a brain basis, but we still don't know where that comes from."

"I do wish the taboo around it would break down just a bit in order to better enable easier access to therapy for affected individuals."

Mark,

I wonder; if the taboo of pedophilia were to be broken down, if there would be the possibilty of further research being done to see if it does have a brain basis. I feel that it isn't researched enough because as a society, we don't want to accept that there may be a biological reason for pedophilia. We want to lock them all away and throw away the key, and it would abhor many people to realize that it may not be a choice for pedophiles to have the desires. Of course everyone has the choice of how to act on their desires, as in any anything in life, we choose our path. But we may not have the choice to have the feelings.

I agree that children do not have the capability to give informed consent for sexual activity, however I have a problem with the double standard that society has on this subject. If a 12 year old chooses to have sex with an adult, they are a victim. However, the same child walks into a class room and shoots people, they "knew" what they were doing and are many times charged as adults for the crime. Why is there a difference?

This one may cause a lot of emotions inside people and I would ask that people reading it be respectful of everybody else, but I also have another question. If our society wasn't so uptight about sex, all sex in general, would it be harmful to a child to engage in it if it wasn't something that was forced upon on them, but was something they were taught was completely natural and normal activity. Why is sex a horrible thing until a person reaches some arbitrary age set by society, and then it is supposed to be a joyous experience?

Just curious:)