Need some input please

[wowzammy]

This is my first time going online or generally asking anyone for input. I have had an ongoing issue and i would like some feedback or some input/direction as to where to go or what to do from this point in my life. My moods change frequently, sometimes i am happy, sometimes depressed, sometimes i am indifferent, sometimes i just do not want to exist. I have pain in my head that, for the most part will not go away. My doctors have put my on multiple medications, which lately have been Topamax and Valporic Acid which is supposed to help "heal nerve damage" that is going on in the side of my head, as well as stave off migranes. This pain is happening more and more frequently and the drugs are affecting my job. Over the last few years i have had several personality issues that have caused me personal problems. I have an unhealthy attachment to people that sometimes causes them to get upset with me, probably because i am afraid to suffer alone. I do not date, these are family members. I am definitely not an unattractive person, i get hit on/flirted with but i do not like relationships and i do not have friends because they have all crossed me or got into drugs and i no longer trust people so i stick to the people that are close to me. In order to combat my need for these people and my overboard personality, i drank and played games, which caused me to leave people alone. This caused me to lose jobs as well as appartments, cars and credit. I Live with my parents and have an amazing job now, i am a migration architect and money is no issue, but i work from home and travel for a living, and this pain in my head is causing me to miss calls or take off of work frequently. I am now on vacation, and my medication is not working at all, when it was working, i sounded like a zombie on the phone with fortune 500 companies trying to describe to them how data migration is supposed to work. I am at a loss here and I am giving up. About a month ago my doctor read my MRI and said that i had a large cluster of blood vessels in the front of my head that were all tangled together which alarmed him. JHe said that this can cause all sorts of problems like migranes, seizures, mental disorders as well as physical problems, and this could have been that way my entire life. This explains a lot to me. My family does not really understand my situation as i often get on their nerves, they help me a lot and i love them to death but i do not want to rely on them or be an imposition. My father got me into this job, and i feel like i am letting him down. I really do not know what to do here... do i try to apply for disability as i cant seem to stay in a job? Do i try a neurosergeon? My insurance ran out, its all cash from this point. I really need input here.

Thank you.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to our community, wowzammy.

Living with pain all of the time must be so difficult. Have you been to another doctor to get a second opinion? Can you apply for new insurance? Maybe there is something more that can be done to help with your medical problem.

Have you told your family that you are suffering physically? Having their support in this could be beneficial.

I'm sorry you are struggling. We are here to listen and support you if expressing yourself helps.