I am new here and need help.

[keep_smiling]

I am not sure if I am in the right place to discuss my problem.

I don't know how to explain..

My problem is if some small thing happens (problems) it becomes more and more in my imagine which I feel is very true and makes me very disturb mentally.

For eg. If my boss give a small negative comment on my work, I know its not a big problem. But in my mind it goes like today i got commented and then i will be scolded and then fired from office, and i will have no job i will loose my family etc etc. It comes such a way that all has already happened.

From then the real problem starts. I start to dislike the work.

It happens in every negative thing i come across. I feel i don't want to live any more.

Is this a disease? what is this called? how can i come out of it? I really want to come out of this.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Keep_smiling,

Welcome to our community. Yes, you are in the right place and there are lots of people who share and understand what you are describing.

No, you do not have a "disease." It's just that, when you begin to think about some small thing, you start to worry, then you start to get nervous and you start to feel really bad.

Have you been to a therapist to get help with this. There is a type of psychotherapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that could really help you with this.

Also, could you tell us more about yourself? Are you married, children, single, your approximate age, etc. When did you start to feel this way? How bad does it get? Etc: anything you feel OK sharing about yourself so we can understand you better.

Hey, guys, what do you think?

Allan

[finding my way]

My therapist once said, "I love making mistakes, that's how I learn." I was quite shocked at the time. Then I was so terribly careful about everything and sensitive about how others were evaluating me. Like Allan says, that's a kind of thought pattern that you grow up with or develop. And thought patterns can be changed.

I'll never forget how blown away I was with the new thought that there could be things to learn in the "bad" things that happen. That means that it's OK when bad things happen, in a way. Good things can be figured out from it. I don't have to control every moment of every day in the fear that if I slip up, something bad might occur that I should have known better not to allow. It's impossible anyway to control everything, and yes that makes us not want to live anymore if things have to be that hard.

It can be very freeing to be free to make mistakes. I hope that helps a little.

[keep_smiling]

I am married 34year old guy with a child of 4 years. The above problem is actually my wifes problem. This is causing lots of problem in our relation. So I am seeking help, suggestions to come out of these problems.

We are planing to visit a Psychiatric. But we don't have any idea about it.

I want to explain my problem in detail.

We both love each other very much. Our argument (fight) start with a very small thing which i never thing should be a subject for an argument. And it grows.

When ever i react negatively in her any small wish (Let say she wants to go out for dinner and i say not today and give reason also) then she starts thinking I don't care her and I will never care her then she thinks i will leave her and how she will live etc. etc.and her never ending imaginary thoughts grows. And she start weeping in a corner thinking such things. Despite my several effort to calm her down, she never. What runs in her mind is the extreme of her thought has been true. I am always helpless in this point. I always be cool thinking her state of mind. But its hard to be. Her weeping sound brings my temper so high that i cant think any thing. And we end in fighting.

Her state of mind she told me her self when we were discussing our problem once.

I am really worried that she may take serious and unwanted steps due to her mind state.

How can I change the way of her imaginary thinking? Is this curable?

Keep_smiling

[finding my way]

Yes, this kind of thinking can be changed around with help! It could take a while, but with counseling and learning new thought patterns and skills, a person can definitely start functioning in a more positive way. Do you have an appointment yet?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Keep_smiling,

I always tell everyone the same thing in this situation: when a married couple are arguing it is never the fault of problem of only one person. Both are involved even though they may not be aware of it.

So, I cannot say how you help these arguments to happen but there is some role you play.

Can you tell us more about your marriage and the arguments?

Allan

[keep_smiling]

As I have described already Our arguments starts with a very small and negligible matter.

But what ever may be the reason.. My wife just don't talk and starts weeping in a corner it and it continues for several hours. until she sleeps or...

That makes me really crazy and wild. I always try to calm her down. and ask why you are angry, what's the matter etc. but she never speaks and continue crying. This point I can never tolerate. I feel I am not in my self and I go totally mad. Some time even beat her.

Some times the reason I would not know also.

Once in the weekend she told me she want to go for shopping. I told her we will go after lunch. Then she went to the kitchen saying lets have lunch. I was playing with my daughter so I stayed in tv hall for around 15 mins. That's it. She didn't call me 2nd time also and started .. she didnt tell me any thing didn't talked to me.. and .......

I don't know what i am going to do..

[finding my way]

KS,

It is NOT OK to beat your wife for ANY reason. Got that?

Now, that said, I hope you can continue your journey figuring out the dynamics of what is up with you and your family. It sounds like anger gets away with you. Did you grow up in an angry environment?

I know your wife is suffering, and I hear that you want to understand her. But as Allan says, you have some work to do on you too, as it takes 2 to argue. Welcome to the club on that one! That's why we are here... trying to work on our stuff. I hope you keep writing. NO MORE ROUGH STUFF tho!!!!