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am i a bad person?????


roiisgurl
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well i have had this problem since i was about 10 or so n it is a very scary feeling. when i was 14 yrz old i took one too many anxiety pills i guess u can say i was tryin to kill myself i mean i would always get that thought n my head.things have changed now, i have 2 gurls n from time to time i think of hurtin them n i mean hurtin them real bad that it scares me. Y do i think this i dont know i no longer take pills it been a very long while since i have because of the whole suicidal thing when i was 14 so i have to live with all these thoughts n feelings. i am goin to start couseling pretty soon maybe that will help me n a way like that i can mayb find away to get all those scary thoughts out of my head. i mean everyone says that i am just a NEGATIVE person n from time to time i think that too i mean i always think bad. i mean i think that i am just a real person who thinks of all the possiblities wether good or bad which n my case r always bad. i just dont think that its healthy for me to go all crazy n start yellin at my gurlz i mean they dont deserve it i am d one with d problem any lil thing startles me n d noice is one of the most common triggers its not their fault. i just dont like the way i feel i cant breath n i

feel so dizzy n weak i just wish that all that could stop. wut am i supposed to do when i have a million thoughts n my head at once n 99% of them r bad?

Edited by roiisgurl
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Well, I think it would be a wise decision to see your doctor as soon as possible. You have bad thoughts... thoughts that you might harm others and yourself and based from what you shared, these thoughts generally dominate your thinking throughout the day. I'd say that is indeed very unhealthy and potentially harmful to you and your daughters' safety.

I don't think that having those thoughts are 'your fault' though. I believe we all have our monsters and we just have to learn how to deal with them. Yeah, counseling would be a very good thing for you. And maybe, join communities and interact more with people if your physician should advise it.

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to begin with thanx for ur words.... well i just hope that counseling does help me i am goin this friday n i am gonna give it my all to try to get over this. i am goin to be completly honest there is not one day that i dont yell at my gurlz n i am tired of it they dont deserve this i hate the way i am.:confused:

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well here i am again tryin to figure out if i am a bad person. today i got very upset cuz my 6yr old would not read her books so i spanked her then afterwards i started feelin bad. just to see her cry n look at me i mean just to know that i am the reason that she is cryin made me feel like a really bad person. if ne one has advise plz i want to hear it

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You have bad thoughts... I don't think that having those thoughts are 'your fault' though. I believe we all have our monsters and we just have to learn how to deal with them.

I second this sentiment. When you're anxious or depressed, that's what happens is that your head is filled with "bad thoughts". But your thoughts are not the same thing as actions (meaning, you can think about suicide, but not actually do it), and also having "bad thoughts" doesn't make a person into a bad person.

Feeling some guilt over having thoughts about harming yourself or your children is a good thing, I think. It means that you are being critical and thoughtful about your own thoughts and not just swallowing them whole and doing whatever they say. Guilt can protect you from taking actions that would be bad action such as harming yourself or your children.

It is *definitely* a good idea to get yourself into counseling given how stressed you are. Hopefully you'll be able to do this, and you will find the counseling to be helpful and that will help you cope better, and you'll ultimately feel better about yourself. Give it some time, as it doesn't happen overnight. But it can and it does happen if you work at it and are able to find the help you need.

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  • 2 weeks later...

idk! i am just so confused n i so badly want revenge with d whole "father" ordeal. for those of u who have not read it here is a lil taste. lets just say he was never there n now so many years later about 17yrs later he wants to talk to me. god that just pisses me off n i cant wait til i talk to him n tell him to his face how much he has hurt us n how much i hate him. i want to c his reaction when he hears wut happend to me when i was a lil gurl. i want to c him suffer just like he made us suffer:mad:

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