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public speech anxiety, social anxiety, low self esteem... hopeless?


anonytharsis
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Hi I was wondering if I could get some feedback... I'm a confused college kid with serious issues....

http://anonytharsis.wordpress.com/about/ is my life story

can public speaking anxieties really be conquered? i find that i cannot express myself very well. in fact i am quite articulate and words flow naturally to me when im writing but when i am unable to think when i have to speak and verbally express myself...

http://anonytharsis.wordpress.com/about/ - my background

how can i overcome my public speaking problems and general expressive anxieties?

does this sound like childhood abuse and trauma?

http://anonytharsis.wordpress.com/about/ - my life story

if it does, how do i get over my sick and shameful past? i'm 20 and i feel like my entire life has been a fucking waste, and im constantly wishing i had a normal happy childhood and teenage years

does it also seem like i have ptsd? i never know how to diagnose myself...

Edited by Mark
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Hi & welcome!

It would all depend on what feedback you are looking for?

I know that you have mentioned that you have some serious issues and still in College, but why not try and post a new thread in the right post that is adequate for your issues!

We will do our best to support you with your issues and any decision's that you decice to take?

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Hi anonytharsis, thank you for sharing your blog post with us, and welcome to the community. I felt that your posts may be better served if they were merged together, and placed them here under General Support. However, if you feel they belong in another forum, please feel free to tell me and I will move it accordingly.

Also, ideally, members would both post their concerns here on the forum, and provide a link to their corresponding blog post. This allows members to visit your blog at their leisure without making it necessary to follow the link in order to provide their input.

As for your post, I think you sure went through a great deal growing up. But, even though your father treated you so harshly, your life is not a waste. In fact, you are not alone in the sense that many people share in your experience of living and dealing with overbearing, ascerbic parents.

For your public speaking it is best to work on it over time. Try having conversations with groups of people about various topics until you become more confident in simply sharing your thoughts with others. As for trying to say hi to a girl, one option is to buy her a cookie. People like cookies, and offering her one is a good ice breaker.

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Hi anonytharsis! The creators of this site tell us that who we are emerges out of our relationships to other people. You have only just emerged from the family situation to be out in the world. It makes sense that you'd be floundering. The world can demand such different things from us than what was happening at home... (and some of us say "thank goodness!!!!!":p) Give yourself time! Practice on us or some other site, responding here and there to people, engaging yourself a bit, and see what emerges! You are not the only one to struggle with these issues, so take heart.

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I've merged anonytharsis' four posts into one as they were all more or less on the same topic. As you were posting the same link so many times, someone wondered if it might be spam, which we do have a problem with from time to time here, but it's not. Just your story and your worries. So this is a good place to talk about it, I hope.

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thank you for doing that. i didn't mean to spam, just was confused where to categorize my post.

anyways, can anyone offer their opinion about my life? im so confused about who i am and what i need to do to change... are there any inspirational stories about people who've been abused as children but later became successful (financially, socially, etc)?

thanks everyone, this is my first time participating in a forum and truly releasing these details to the public

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In my opinion, anonytharsis, you should move on from the past. The relationship between your family and your grandparents existed before you were born. There is likely little you could do alone to change this relationship since it is generally the lot of children to inherit the relationships of their family. If you love your family, continue to do so. But, do not expect your grandparents and your uncle to reciprocate those feelings by way of treating your mother better.

On the same note, I suggest that you try not to carry a grudge against your father. Your family clearly values higher education greatly. But, this does not justify the treatment of your grandfather towards your father, nor does it justify the treatment of your father towards you. As admirable as higher education may be, it is unfortunate that your family's concern is conditional upon your academic success. The way your grandparents choose favorites amongst family, and shun others is a terrible example to live by. If your father shared a similar experience to yours while being raised by your grandparents, it is doubtless that he had a difficult childhood as well. Respectfully, if your grandparents prefer chasing after the status gained from academic success at the cost of family, you may need to consider the motivations behind their treatment of your mother.

As I already said before, I do not think your life is a waste. Despite all of your experiences shared in your post, you still managed to fulfill your role as a student, and gain entrance to a college. This is not a simple feat. While you may not think becoming a college student is an accomplishment due to your family's expectations, you could just as easily given up on your academic responsibilities entirely. So, as I see it, not only have you persevered, but you continue to improve yourself.

If you want to be more confident, keep challenging yourself! As I suggested earlier, you can work on your public speaking by talking with a friend. Once you become comfortable with those conversations, try starting a conversation with a new acquaintence, then two new acquaintences, and so on. Just keep challenging yourself to speak with others under different circumstances until you can do so with relative comfort. This practice may also work for speaking with your girl interest. Start talking with girls you are comfortable with, work towards becoming comfortable with acquaintences, and so on.

Hang in there, anonytharsis. Where some of your peers may lead carefree lives as you suggest, you are tested. You are definitely stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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