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mrsrobot

I mean nothing

15 posts in this topic

I've realized recently that I matter very little and don't do anything that wouldn't be missed. Any talents I have are mediocre at best. I'm unattractive. I have no career. I don't do anything important or worthwhile, there's nothing about me that's worth keeping on this earth. All I do is take up resources that others need more. I'm just here, for no reason, with no purpose. I guess I just can't see why I should live.

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Mrsrobot, I apologize for the delay in approving your post. :(

I'm sorry you're feeling down. :icon_cry: Being a human being can be difficult and challenging at times. Has something happened recently to bring these thoughts up or has this been an ongoing struggle for you? Is it possible that you're being harsh with yourself?

I hope things brighten for you. I'm sorry for your pain.

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As long as I can remember, I've had difficulty during the winter. But each year, it gets longer and harder. This year, I've been feeling the lowest I've ever felt, pretty much without end, since September. I haven't had any relief. Every single day just feels like a pit. My whole body hurts because I'm either sad and crying so hard I dehydrate or I'm just numb and stiff from lying around. I never hurt myself before this year. I never thought seriously about killing myself before this year. Like I said, every year the depression gets harder and harder and lasts longer. I don't think I'll survive any more of this.

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Hope things get better for you mrsrobot.  I too am unhappy about many things, I can relate to what you are saying.  I still push ahead but realize now the futility of it - any success I have is just setting me up to drop my guard for the next blow.  

Feel free to share about yourself & why you are unhappy if you like.  I am unhappy because all I ever do is work & never have fun and that's just the surface of it.  

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Are you talking and sharing with anyone there, mrsrobot? Would it help to get outside in the sunshine? Is there an area where you live where you can sit in nature, listen to the birds chirping? Winters can be very long... 

Feel free to share here to your level of comfort. We are here to listen.

Sending care to you.

 

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I'm a mom and while that's the best thing I've ever done (seriously, I hit the jackpot when it comes to my son. He's so wonderful), I always feel like I don't do enough. Like I'm not good enough. I'm so exhausted from trying to be the best mother I can be, and trying to be a good wife, that I can barely get through the day. I just feel so overwhelmed by even the smallest tasks. The idea of folding laundry or loading the dishwasher exhausts me just to think about. 

I try to get outside when I can and I do all the things you're "supposed" to do when you're depressed. I work out, I eat right, I do yoga, you name it. It just feels like nothing works.

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12 hours ago, mrsrobot said:

I always feel like I don't do enough. Like I'm not good enough. I'm so exhausted from trying to be the best mother I can be, and trying to be a good wife, that I can barely get through the day. I just feel so overwhelmed by even the smallest tasks. The idea of folding laundry or loading the dishwasher exhausts me just to think about. 

Hi mrsrobot. I think it's a modern malaise, this idea that we're all supposed to be superwoman (or even superman) and succeed at all times at different activities. It's not surprising so many of us get depressed. I hope you can put less pressure on yourself and spend pleasant time with your son instead. Household chores can be very dull :sad_huggy:

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Today is so overwhelming. Every single time I go to get one thing done, three more things pop up. I made my son's snack and he dumped out every single toy in the living room. I cleaned those up and he dropped a sandwich facedown onto the carpet and had an accident. After those things were taken care of we barely made it to our appointment on time. I tried to tidy up when we got home but he wouldn't take a nap and kept making messes left and right. I know he's just playing so I didn't punish him for it or anything, but it's just so frustrating. Days like this happen more often than not, where I don't even have time to get a sip of water or catch my breath before there's something else I can't ignore. I don't know why I'm so bad at keeping up. Other moms do so much better than me.

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In the past the extended family and even neighbors played a bigger role in daily life. Parents have it tough these days. They do it all alone.  

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Do you think maybe you're being harsh with yourself, mrsrobot? :-( Kids do make a lot of messes. I remember those days with mine. As I recall, I eventually decided to pick up toys only twice a day because trying to keep the space perfectly neat all of the time wasn't realistic for us, at that point in time. I'm bothered by clutter and messes too, though, I hear you. Maybe you could add a toy box in different rooms and have your son join you in a game of picking everything up? I know that can be challenging too. 

Do you have a space at home to call your own?  I find that very helpful at times. When I'm stressed I go to my pink room and take a moment to breathe and regroup. I hope you will remember to listen to your needs.

Being a mom can be incredibly demanding at times, without a doubt. I have felt that and I have often wondered too, how good of a job I'm doing. I hope you won't judge yourself or compare yourself with other moms, if at all possible. You're doing the best you can and you are there for your son which is so very important.

I do hear you that it all feels overwhelming at times. :(:sad_huggy: I have had many days like that too. You aren't alone with your feelings. I hope you can talk gently to yourself.

Sending you strength and care.

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I really messed up today. I forgot the Mother's Day party at my son's preschool because I set the reminder for tomorrow by accident and was so busy running errands. I didn't even remember until it was over. 

I don't really have a space that's just mine but I've been retreating into our bedroom early every night. I'm trying to just spend some time alone and breathe, but it's hard because I always feel guilty about what I need to accomplish and what I didn't get done during the day.

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On 5/10/2017 at 4:04 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

In the past the extended family and even neighbors played a bigger role in daily life. Parents have it tough these days. They do it all alone.  

That's true. It definitely feels like I'm all alone most of the time. We see our family frequently but no one ever just offers to come over or take my son out for a little while. I remember relatives and friends doing that with me when I was little and that wasn't even that long ago, but things have really changed.

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A few weeks ago, after a very busy day, I drove my daughter to therapy for an appointment that I thought was at 5:45pm, when it was actually at 5pm. I apologized to my daughter and we drove home. We're human and these things happen sometimes. Maybe even knowing this can be a lesson for our children as well.

It has taken me many years to begin accepting that it's okay to care for myself. I still have to remind myself a lot and I still feel twinges of guilt, but self care is vital and important so I try very hard now to listen to my needs. Definitely challenging, but well worth it. It's okay to take some time for yourself. You may find yourself feeling guilty at times and that's okay too, feelings happen.

Do you have a family member or friend who you might ask to take your son out for a while? It's always easier if someone offers, but maybe they would enjoy the time with him. Maybe too the time to yourself to self nuture could be replenishing?

I hope your weekend is serene. I'm not sure where you're located, but tomorrow is mother's day here in the US. Happy Mother's Day to you!

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I talked to my husband about moving to a different unit in our apartment complex. The one we have is really nice, but gets almost no daylight at all, which I think might be contributing to my depression (particularly my seasonal depression, which seems to be getting worse every winter). He was on board, so we're going to talk to our leasing office soon and see if it's an option. Hopefully it's possible and it helps.

IrmaJean and Victimorthecrime like this

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