help

[IrmaJean]

I'm glad you want to try, but also hope that you will be doing this for yourself, too.

What if you were to express to your brother what you expressed here, and then asked for his support? What do you think would be best for you? What do you need most right now for your emotional health? I'm sorry you're in such a difficult spot. I hope you are able to find some relief.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

hello robot,

are you going to meet this psychiatrist again? I think it's important that the effect of the medication you're taking is controlled and for that you'd also have to be honest about the way you feel. I don't know the meds you're taking, but wikipedia states restlessness and diffuse anxiety as common side effects. If you experience strong side effects, you'd need to discuss this.

Take care,

S.

[robot]

I have discussed this with a psychitrist yes, they know that i have ruminating i told them at first it was about suicide but i have not divulged this recently as i cant be in hospital any longer. This is a viscious circle that doesnt seem to be slowing down in fact its getting faster, each day a new stress is added. I sound like a broken record, i guess thats what i am!

[robot]

i had restlessness and anxiety before i went on the meds but not as bad as now, it says it gets worse before it gets better so i have to ride the storm, but it may take longer than most to pull through, thats why i got put in hospital so the meds could take effect, but i know that its not just the meds that help, i guess im not yet at a cross road were everthing starts to fall into place, but the cross road is very far away. I feel like im in a no win situation, i cant wait to get better, but getting better means i need to wait, i cant resolve my problems because im too ill to face them, i cant get better unless i resolve the problems. Ouch ouch ouch

[robot]

My brother knows my situation but believes that it is my fault for not taking care of myself so has not patience, understanding or forgiveness. He is depending on me to pull myself together and im trying to put on a brave face. He believes if i just get on with stuff i will recover. I know this isnt the case.

[robot]

begins. I have to control this im trying my dam hardest, im doing things o keep me above water, swimming and pilates. Ive started eating again, although i still feel like im going to crash, i cant get it out of my mind. Im trying to do this for myself and not just others. But i feel like i need to punish myself, i hve been very stupid and i deserve to suffer. That is what my mind keeps telling me. My brother said i was an idiot and 'i have just carried the mentally ill gene on to another generation in my family'. That really hurt. now ive let down generations and not just my immediate family, thats a hard one to take.

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry your brother has not been supportive of you in this, robot. I agree that you have to do this for yourself. It's good that you started eating again. I hope that today is a better day. One day at a time.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

It looks like your brother isn't one to ask for support, because he lacks understanding. (who's the idiot now?)

It's good that you do some sports to help you feel better and also food is important for the mental balance. I hope this helps you to stay safe.

Take care,

S.

[robot]

still agony the thoughts just keep battering me, 'ive done wrong, its my fault, ive done this to myself' i cant stop the thoughts and im sure soon it will drive me mad. Please does anyone know something that hasnt been mentioned that can take my mind of this.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I think when you are convinced that the thoughts are not true, they will come up less. You don't deserve to suffer, if you think you've been stupid not to start meditation earlier, how about calling it optimistic? and there's no point punishing yourself for something that makes you feel bad anyway, even if it really was all an effect of what you did or didn't do. Can you accept that the thoughts aren't true?

S.

[robot]

ive got severe GAD, wow what a thing to deal with, is it better to know? I just cant understand how im gonna get through this, nothing seems to help, although its getting slighter i know there are gonna be so many triggers in front of me that will just bring me back to square one that i cant avoid, so annoying! How is one suppose to except this challenge?

[robot]

that im becoming more paralysed as each day goes on closer too extinction, i cannot breath anymore. There is no relief. Dear god what mess have i got into. I want to see a brighter future. help

[IrmaJean]

Can you get some help, robot? You have to take care of yourself right now. What do you think?

I'm going to go ahead and move your thread to General Support.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Would you like to try a breathing exercise? I don't actually know one apart from breathing in for six seconds, holding your breath for six seconds and breathing out for six seconds.

The future might be a too big thing to think of at the moment. Do you have your day structured? Can you instead plan what you will do today and when you have free time?

S.

[robot]

yes im doing the breathing technique, im getting help but its not working. my head is way too cluttered. I dont know where to turn.

[robot]

i should just crash again get it over and done with, is that possible if i just lose it big time, would that help, no, i think it would make matters worse. imm trying to hold it together but its still boiling i can feel the shudders (as well as actually having them) of a big explosion. Writing this and getting a response seems to be my only salvation right now.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Since you can't rely on getting a response, it would be better if you felt writing alone helps you. (Especially since you might just get a response from me and what's the point of that? )

What are you doing at the moment?

I hope you can put some distance between you and those feelings.

Take care,

S.

[robot]

trying to work, ive tried writing things down yes. I understand i cant rely on this website, im not sure what to do. thanks for your support

[malign]

Robot,

She wasn't saying "don't count on this website", but rather, "don't count on a response." As you said, the writing alone can be helpful.

You asked whether it's better to know that you have GAD. Isn't it? Before, all you had were huge doses of anxiety. Now, you still have them, but you know what they are. That means that they're open to you questioning them.

My first diagnosis was GAD, though I was also depressed and probably avoidant. It's like a multi-way chicken-and-egg thing: who cares which came first? For me, social situations would paralyze me. I'd think of all sorts of things that could go wrong, and I could never disprove any of them because the possibility alone made me avoid trying. With someone (my first therapist) around to confirm that my anxiety was excessive, I could at least start to question all those "what-if" scenarios I was generating, that all ended badly.

You seem to be stuck in a sort of all-or-nothing treatment situation: hospital or nothing. Even if you need to devote time to your business, you also need to devote at least a little time to yourself. Why? Because if you don't, you have no alternative to crashing again. It's not all just going to go away ... and if you're feeling guilt for not having taken care of it before, what are you going to feel if you don't take care of it, now?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Okay, I've just finished my adapting the application to another job profile routine. I'll breathe in and out a bit and then send it with the usual doubts. (that's not the valediction). After that I'm finished with work for today.

Can you take the plan and make estimates about how much time the tasks will take. Then you can insert breaks and set a time for end of work for today. If your tasks don't fit into the plan, it's possible you can break them down into smaller tasks.

[robot]

doing all the things i can to help, yoga swimming, im taking my meds and trying to relax. Thats right, i am trying to tackle my guilt and say well i didnt do it then but im doing it now. The hole ive got myself in is very deep i guess its gonna take time to get out of it. Im just struggling to make it to the next level. I have a few up moments its just remembering that they will get longer. Spending 95% of your day in total agony is difficult to deal with, particularly when everyone is holding out for you to get better. I feel totally selfish/self obssessed but at the same time i cannot control it, as you can tell from my posts.

[robot]

in london. I woke up at six. My anxiety is as hard as ever, two hours till the gym opens i guess i better go for a walk to get rid of some of this feeling. Its my friends birthday party tonight, i have to try and go withe the thought in mind that i will be ok, as at the moment i am imagining that i will go and ruin the whole thing for everyone by freaking out. i guess i can leave if i get too bad, but im concerned that it will upset me so much that it may make me worse. Another chicken and egg, but if i dont go i will feel just as bad. Dilemma dilemma!

[robot]

than low, wow, i didnt think i could stoop this low. ouch. This is no good.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

What happened? Are you still worried about the party?

[robot]

i went to the party it was ok. I managed not to havee a melt down. Today im trying to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, its areal struggle trying to do it. My blood is beginning to boil so need to distract myself some other how, agggghhhhhh!