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word choices


katleen

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I'm kinda centered again.Stuff going on, not sure. But in the midst we bought literature for the Borderline Personality Disordered family.

I don't mind admitting to mistakes or misperceptions. Am pretty open about how I may effect others and trying different ways if there are suggestions, sometimes. I like compromise.. but kindness -it will get you damn near anything from me..) What a wonderful thing.

Any way, two words jumped out at me in this literature, talking about persons with Borderline Personality Disorder. manipulative, and suspicious behavior.

How about needing reassurance or trying what she might know to fulfill an honestly perceived need at the time. Think that 'manipulative' is probably a tag, by now. But what negative connotation it carries!!! Am using black marker on their publication asking for more appropriate language to reflect the fear and the absence of skills to care for people having difficulty taking care of themselves emotionally. DBT is giving me that. Other people are finding their way through in different ways, I believe we all can, But we have to stop the stigma.For all of us. We don't deserve it. I bet most people coming here to the forum would find very much they identify with.

I have friends that have issues, but they like themselves. We were denied that. We were so damaged. I want to scream it out and have the medical world at least be a little more knowledgeable and observant and kind and not saying try harder but look at what you are doing that is effective. I don't fully understand any of the illnesses, but I know diabetics don't get told take themselves to emergency.

Any way, that's my rant.

loves and hugs:rolleyes:

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Hi Katleen...

I love your rant and agree 100 Percent. I work in the mental health field but I'm not really into labels.

Manipulation is one of those things that is a very abstract concept for me. What is it? Do you know if you are doing it? Are there degrees of manipulation? Is it OK or not OK??? Where is the line between something harmless to fill a need and something that may effect another person in a negative way.

I'm not just talking about BPD here either. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has needs. How do we go about getting them met?

I think that when the infuence is harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject it, Manipulation is not the word that has to be used. But when it aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics to get your own needs met (ie.at the other person's expense) then it is much more damanging. In those cases....the negative connotation of the act is probably appropriate.

But because a term like manipulation can cover things at both ends of the spectrum....I agree....different words should be substituted to describe what is actually happening.

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