So, i've decided to use this as a journal and share my feelings with whoever cares to listen.

Since my break-up i feel so lifeless, i feel like i have no purpose.

I put 110% into the past 2 years with my ex and i really fully believed we were gonna be together forever.

During the whole relationship i never ever felt like i could live without him and its seeming impossible to do so right now

He was the most perfect person to me, i knew from the moment i first saw him he was special and i felt like he was my soulmate.

We had an amazing relationship, long distance and hard but when we were together it was fantastic.

Then in April i had a miscarriage (not planned at all and as unpsetting as it was im feeling slightly relieved)

Because we didnt get to see eachother that often i couldnt bring myself to tell him about this because i didnt want to ruin the short time we had together, so i bottled it up and pushed him away and probably made him feel like i didnt want him anymore.

Only when we broke up around i month ago i explained to him what id been going through, thinking he could sympathise but he really doesnt care about it at all.

I was so so upset at losing the baby, even though i was relieved in some ways but i never ever thought id go through losing him too.

I just feel so lost and hurt and i miss him more than i ever could imagine.

I hate this feeling so so much, i really felt like my life was sorted, i'd met the man of my dreams, who'd tell me he wanted to marry me etc :confused: and now its over and he wants nothing to do with me.

Rambling over for now!!! Just helps to get it out.

-Rachel