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An entry for today


malign

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What can I say about today?

I'm mostly trying to put it back together after the weekend (again). Trying to stop worrying and bothering what I can't change at the moment; to stop fearing that I don't exist or won't, shortly; basically to just stop and breathe.

I went to work. I'll go home. I'll sleep alone again, probably, and not be bothered. I may stop at the library on the way home, although that means about 45 minutes of walking instead of a bus, because that will take my mind off things a bit. I'm so the escapist.

I'll try my credit card at the Metro station. If it doesn't work, I'll have to go to the bank tomorrow morning and start the shit heading for the fan.

And try not to think about it in the mean time.

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Your writing is so pristine, I hate to ruin it with my comments.... sort of like newly fallen snow that you don't want to leave tracks on.

However, this is a support community, and we are supposed to participate with each other, so here come my footprints.

My experience with narcissism is that it is very dangerous to be close to someone who has it. You mentioned your wife might be; my mother is that way. I HAVE to be apart from her. We no longer interact. Being near her is life-threatening to me. I disappear from myself. I have no access to me in the midst of her extremely dominating, mentally ill presence. That is when I have been suicidal. It is that unbearable. Live becomes very one dimensional, and as such, unlivable.

Do you have ANY support network other than us? Can anyone help you to transition from this place and get to safety?

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Meh, so long as the tracks aren't yellow, they have their own charm. :-)

I have family, though I've strained those ties. I think they'd support me, but quite reasonably, only after I made a move. I've tried to drag them in prematurely before ...

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