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Another Day



Well work's almost over. I got a lot accomplished today, so I suppose I should be happy about that. But I know I'm just going to have to go home. Is it strange to rather be away from the one that loves you, because you have no feeling at all left for her? Another night of lying to her each time she says "I love you", knowing that if I don't answer correctly, or answer at all, Hell awaits me in the form of yelling or guilt trips.

OW wants me to come and see her tonight, and I want to so very much. But I know it's just going to remind me of how badly I want us to be together, and how powerless I am in the face of Wifey to make it happen.

Why am I so desperate to spare Wifey's feelings? It's not like she ever took mine into consideration all the times she bossed me around, yelled at me, hit me, or any of the other things she's done.

I imagine I'll end up caving in to Wifey again, not even telling her about my ideal plans for tonight. I'm so pathetic.

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This reminds me a lot of my own marriage. I kept going back again and again (separated many times), just because I couldn't face what it would take to get away.

It sounds to me as if this is a recipe for everybody being miserable. You know that your wife knows how you feel; that's why she gets so upset if she doesn't hear what she wants to hear. You also know how your wife feels about you, if she's keeping you by emotional blackmail.

I'm afraid, though, that blackmailers never stop, as long as it works.

You're being abused, pure and simple, and you need to look at it that way, in order to get it to stop.

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