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Too Early....



If the physical rigors of my job weren't bad enough, today is the day they try and add sleep deprivation to the back breaking. I have straight 9:00 start times for the most part. But every once in a while, they throw in a 6:00. When you're used to sleeping until 8:00, getting up at 5:00 is about as easy as...as...God I can't even think of something to compare it to!!

As expected, my plans for last night fell through. In fact, they weren't even mentioned. I checked my phone this morning, and OW had left me a couple of texts. I missed her so much last night. My mom had me run to the store last night for her, I was tempted to run all the way across town to where OW was out singing, knowing full well I'd be D.O.A. when I got home. Would seeing OW have been worth the Hell that would have been the rest of my night? Of course it would have......

But I didn't do it. There's something always holding me back. Every day I leave work with all the confidence in the world that "today will finally be the day I tell Wifey how I feel.". I play it through in my head until it's time to go home. Then when I see Wifey, whatever confidence I had is instantly squashed. Each time it happens, my chance of being together with OW, and being truly happy dies a little more. She's been so patient with me, sometimes I think I deserve to be where I am, and that she's wasting herself on me.

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...sometimes I think I deserve to be where I am...

Isn't that the thinking that keeps you there, though?

Who's going to go to all that trouble, if they aren't sure they're worth it?

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