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Confused...


Autognosy

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So I am trying to get a job. Did I say trying or being afraid of? Whatever... I am changing my mood 2.000 times a day. I found a job today but didn't manage to call to the last number. I NEED a job, but I am so afraid of making the bad choice (not that I have choice...). Well, this job was rather easy to get cause it selled music books, plus the company who gots it has also a conservatory and some day I could be in as a music teacher for an hour a week. That's just a tiny unproved hope of course...

On the contrary... it is far away from home, 1 hour and a half or less if I am lucky. 6 days a week I'll have to spend 3 hours in a bus, and 35 euros a month for the tickets. Plus, I don't know how much they pay, but it can't be over 570 euros. Also, it requires a 3 and a half hour brake that I'll have to strungle to get home and return back before opening the door (too much traffic here), or stray in the roads, or eat out almost every day so I can have somewhere to wait. Plus, I will only see my boyfriend one day a week. Plus, I hope to be able to finish my job and pop near for a music lesson after that, just to fill my hours and start working in music, which is my goal. Of course I could do it to the other area too, but, imagine how late I'll have to return home then!

Ok, you'll say, settled!

Well, really, I'll soon won't be in such a good financial condition to have the luxury to choose. But again, maybe there is hope for better? Is it illusional that I hope to find a job in my area, 15 walking from home at most? Am I too demanding, or am I right to hope for the best? I am soooo stressed. Every thought in my head is "maybe". Nothing for sure in my hands, I am too afraid of closing a job that may prove wrong and like the old one, will tie me down, take up all my 24 hours for searching a new one if I regret, all my energy, all my free hours to feel human, all the possibilities to start building my music teacher career hour to hour. Hope this career could be a foul 8 hour job, but that's impossible. Only think I can hope for is a job to feed me, and don't tire me so much that I won't be able to teach a lesson or two for a start.

Am I looking things clearly, or am I too demanding? Or too scared of how bad my life can turn again?

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