Celebrating
Today I was celebrating my name. My parents with which I don't have perfect relations, cared to call and wish me, my friends, people that I just know a little, some ex fellow students, an ex teacher that I couldn't possible believe would remember me, even an Italian internet person that I have spoken 10 times the most, cared to sent me a wishing message. My brother's 'soon to be' wife, also sent me a message. But my brother not.
All I can say is that he needs some serious psychological care, and I don't say it out of anger. He has a great deal of hate and willing for revenge in him. But he things he is the one who is right and has to panish everyone he can. He pretends or believes that I am guilty of something that I am not. And he pretends that he is somehow involved in it, that he is personally insulted by me. He told me that he won't talk to me again if I don't do what he believes I should, while insulting me with great verbal abuse some day. Of course, I can't change who I am, and I am a great person, treating as fair and respectfull as I can, to others and myself at the same time.
But now I won't go to his marriage because I appear to be unwanted by him and I don't deserve to be treated like the one that 'begs' for a seat in a wedding that is unwanted, like being the pourest lonliest relative.
I am not born to feel sorry for anybody. I used to get sorry for myself once, cause I used to bring everybody on top of me. Now I have got over it, plus I know that I am not born to feel sorry for anybody at all. So, his problem, is not mine to find out or to solve.
All I feel sorry for, is for his future wife who is a great person. I don't want to spoil her marriage, but I am not wanted there and to tell the truth, I don't belong there. I don't even want to go after all these crap.
I also believe that she should open her eyes before marrying him. She does not deserve it. And I really feel sorry for the unhappy kids he is going to raise. This hate/panishment attitude will fall on them and this is unfair
But again, it's not for me to care about. I have allready payed my stupidness for leaving myself aside, while caring for others.
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