Thank you, sedsed....

It's weird. My fiance has been sleeping over for several days since i can't sleep without someone there. I am panicking in the middle of the night, and i don't like being alone right now. But he is trying to comfort me and i feel terrible that it isn't working. He always says it's ok when i feel a certain way, but it must hurt him that he can't help me. I just don't understand what's happening to me. It's never been this bad before. Usually he can comfort me, but nothing works anymore. I've never felt this bad before.

Again, I do appreciate your kinda words. It is nice to feel a little less alone in the world.

I think a few factors have lead to me feeling this way. First off, I stopped seeing my therapist about 2 months ago. I really miss him and i find that ever since i stopped going, I've been remembering a lot of childhood events that I've repressed. Not sure why this is happening. I suppose that it also doesn't help that a good friend of mine's father recently ended his life. His father had often threatened to...my friend had to call the cops on him so many times. Anyway, it hit home for me since my mom had threatened so many times. She has even gone so far as to ask me to form a pact with her. I just can't imagine how it must feel when a parent actually goes through with it.

I'm thinking of going back to therapy. I think that might help. It just costs so much money, and I really need to save right now. It's so hard, because i know that my mental health is important. But when you have a wedding to plan and pay for (and I really don't even want to plan one right now...) and a house to buy...it's just really hard.

I never had feelings to begin with so... you know how it feels. Basically I'm a socio-path, I have an ability to appear "normal". And I do I try hard, but people know it's not real.