After the hospital yesterday and staying up all day today brooding I have come to the conclusion that memories r better than real life. In my memories I still I have the love of my life, my parents , my children and every1 who was ever special 2 me. N reality I have nothing. Memories I can still hold my babies reality I have pictures I can look at. Memories I can still taste my husband's lips feel him curled up with me on the couch while we watched a movie and just enjoyed being next 2 each other reality I have a soon 2 b ex who keeps calling to either rant at me or wheedle and whine that he has nothing left and is going to kill himself. Memories well fantasy I got to see the pride on my parents' faces when I graduated reality I had no blood relatives left by the time I was 16. I know they would have been so proud of me but my father died when I was 12 and my mother just gave up after he was gone and died when I was 14 then my great aunt who took me in died 8 months after mom so my boyfriend's mother took me in and was declared my legal guardian. I took extra classes in summer school and graduated half term my junior year then married my true love and we all lived happily ever after. At least we r happy n my memories. I remember my wedding, having my daughter 3 days after my 18th bday(best present ever) that's where I got my user name she was my little mini me she mimiced everything I did she was my sweet Sara she was my little carbon copy. People couldn't tell us apart in baby and toddler pics. Then 4 years later I had my little Johnny god he had so much energy he was like a little imp always into EVERYTHING that boy could be in3 places at once I swear he could that boy wore me out. I remember all of it I remember giving them their baths and just holding them wrapped up in a towel and breathing in that sweet scent that only your babies have after a bath. Me and their daddy reading them their bedtime stories(we both had to do it so I could read the girl parts and he could do the boy parts:p) Now I dread my birthday I just crawl into bed and hide for a coupla days. Most people hate their MIL but mine was an angel. My kid's Mimi helped raise me she took me in when I had no where else to go except foster care she was more than my MIL she was my 2nd mommy my best friend I can still remeber her sitting up all night with me and just rubbing my back and stroking my hair while I cried and cried when my aunt died. That's all I can do is remember memories r all I have. If my GF dies than that's all I'll have of her 2. I'm tired of memories I'm tired of losing everything I care about I just want 2 go2 sleep and dream 4ever because in dreams I have MY family and my friends in reality I have nothing and nobody:(