I just recieved a bunch of pictures from my aunt in the mail. She had been holding them for a couple of years and prior to that they were my grandparents. So because they are pictures of my brothers and sisters they were given to me. But when I got the package in the mail today, and began looking through them, I found myself getting sooo angry at my parents. Everyone looked so happy in the pictures, even me. But with each picture I looked at I remember what went on behind closed doors. I remember the unkind words, the abuse and neglect. And I looked at myself and I noticed what a beautiful little girl I was, which just made me angrier. I wonder how it is that my mother could do such hateful things to her daughter, her first born daughter. I wonder how my father could take the innocense of such a young child away. I can't seem to wrap my head around why? At least prior to the pictures I could live with the idea that I was an ugly child, and there were no pictures of me for that reason, but seeing these just brought a whole new aspect of how broke we were, and what a show could be put on when others were watching. Of course I remember putting on the acts, pretending like we were such a happy family with nothing to hide, but it is just something different seeing the fakeness caught on camera.

I have seen these pictures before, when my aunt,uncle and their kids were going through them with me, but I am not sure why I am so angry now.