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So Upset right now!!


chatterbox512

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I just recieved a bunch of pictures from my aunt in the mail. She had been holding them for a couple of years and prior to that they were my grandparents. So because they are pictures of my brothers and sisters they were given to me. But when I got the package in the mail today, and began looking through them, I found myself getting sooo angry at my parents. Everyone looked so happy in the pictures, even me. But with each picture I looked at I remember what went on behind closed doors. I remember the unkind words, the abuse and neglect. And I looked at myself and I noticed what a beautiful little girl I was, which just made me angrier. I wonder how it is that my mother could do such hateful things to her daughter, her first born daughter. I wonder how my father could take the innocense of such a young child away. I can't seem to wrap my head around why? At least prior to the pictures I could live with the idea that I was an ugly child, and there were no pictures of me for that reason, but seeing these just brought a whole new aspect of how broke we were, and what a show could be put on when others were watching. Of course I remember putting on the acts, pretending like we were such a happy family with nothing to hide, but it is just something different seeing the fakeness caught on camera.

I have seen these pictures before, when my aunt,uncle and their kids were going through them with me, but I am not sure why I am so angry now.

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Hi Chatterbox, I'm sorry those pictures brought up some angry feelings for you. I think as adults when we reflect, those childhood memories can be a mixed blessing. Try to keep it in perspective as best you can? How about look a the strong woman that has evolved and the strength you now have to deal with this and tackle the demons so that no one will ever do this to you again. :)

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