In 7 days it will be my 32nd birthday and in 10 days it will be one of the worst days of the year for me. My baby girl would be 14.

I just had the worst December 31st. I've just been curled up at home hiding. No sense inflicting myself on hapless bystanders.

Had to work tonight just couldn't stand being alone at home one more night. Haven't actually slept in 4 days. Can't sleep can't eat can't think. Tired of myself my thoughts this life just want out.

Will eat something for lunch tonight. It's been 3 days and I'm really starting to not feel well. Still not hungry but know I have to eat. Still very sad but know I have to live. Just keep putting one foot ahead of the other and sooner or later I'll get to where I'm going.

Sooner or later I'll have to sleep body will just go down. Tried and tried just can't. Mind won't stop. It's like a gerbil in a wheel just running and running but going nowhere.

Time is supposed to heal shit huh? Still waiting but starting to give up hope on this one.