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DAY 1 - Finally seemed to find a good psychotherapist!!!


sensitive_woman

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Finally after visiting a psychiatrist (who said all was well and I didnt need any treatment at all) and a psychotherapist (who doped me with meds), I seem to have finally found a very good psychotherapist, Dr B (I'd prefer to call her that).

She asked me at the outset what I hoped to achieve with this session and what were my expectations from her. I found that personal touch very soothing. No one had asked me this before. She heard me out for a good hour and explained that the depression I'm undergoing was actually a part of the healing process.

I'm putting it down here so that it can benefit others who may read it.

Dr B said there are 5 stages of grief.

The first three being; Shock, Anger and Depression. She said divorce is a trauma and similar to 'death'. Even if I may have ended the relationship knowing fully well that I do not want to live with this man for the rest of my life, it is still the 'death of my dreams'. She explained it so beautifully that I'm tempted to go back to her.

Honestly, shes very expensive but the way she dealt with it, is worth every penny spent. She thought I was trying to snap out of the situation quickly and move on but that is not right. She said not to believe anyone who tells me to snap out of this instantly and go about life as if everything is good. She said that would only delay the healing process and if that happens, it can be detrimental rather than healing and require involvement of a psychiatrist if things were not dealt with correctly.

She wants me to write a letter to my ex (without ever posting it), to read it out to her. Wasn't what I already told her enough for my healing to happen? She said no, its essential to write down both the good and the bad side of the marriage and the thoughts that were going on in my mind. This was necessary to get a clear perspective of my thoughts, get counseling from her about them and then wash the thoughts away.

I'm trying to sit and write down all the good and bad thoughts associated with the marriage and its breakdown but trust me, its not easy. She said not to penn down a few lines but pour out my heart. I'm not sure if I can do it or whether I want to relive the entire journey again even if its in my thoughts. Its really hard to do it. What do you think?

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She sounds really great and I think the idea about writting it all down is really the best you can do :D. I'm a type of person who deals with "everything" by writing about it and my therapist is so great that he always reads it.

Congrats to this new therapist and good luck with your healing process!!!

L.

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Hi Lala3, Thanks for your post. The therapist seems to want to know everything about my personal life. She wants to know specific events, sexual orientation and details of the intimacy process which slightly puts me on my guard. I mean what use is it answering such questions now that I am divorced. What do you think? I'm confused as hell!

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I see that it can be confusing. But "the way out" is to talk about that confusion with the therapist. I think she should clarify you her reasons for the questions. My opinion is that she just wants to understand you the best she can, so she needs to know "everything". (In the beginning of my therapy, I asked my therapist "What should I be talking about? What is important?" And he replied: "I don't know what is important. Just talk about anything that occurs to you." It seemed a bit strange for me that "he doesn't know what's important", but after some time I understood it completely. The "important" things "emerge" slowly, often from where you wouldn't expect them...) She also wants to help you to understand better your own needs.

But if you feel that some topics are too uncomfortable, don't forget you have the right to say it and not to answer. The reasons of avoiding certain topics can be very relevant for therapy, too. But now it's just the beginning, so... don't focus too much on this (what I've written in the previous sentence) and just... let her to know you to the extend that feels right to you now. The time often brings many changes in the therapeutic relationship - I, for example, had some issues in the beginning which I didn't want to mention at all, but after half a year, they became one of the main topics of the sessions...

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Thanks for your thoughts and for adding me as a friend Lala03. Right now I dont feel comfortable meeting the therapist for sometime. She asked me to write a letter to my ex without posting it and reading it out to her, which I did. She wants me to write a letter about my entire life now starting from my childhood and adolescence. I had an excellent childhood but get a feeling of being exposed and very uncomfortable after already writing and reading out so much to her. Plus she keeps copies of whatever I write and files them. Maybe its her profession but I don't feel comfortable with it. Maybe because my ex was a doctor and shes a doctor too. I dont feel safe doing all this. Am I wrong in my thinking ?

Right now I just want to move on with my life and work in a good job. I had so much happening for me on the career front but now I get major palpitations with the thought of working or anyone finding out I'm divorced. What do I do? :D

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