DAY 1 - Finally seemed to find a good psychotherapist!!!
Finally after visiting a psychiatrist (who said all was well and I didnt need any treatment at all) and a psychotherapist (who doped me with meds), I seem to have finally found a very good psychotherapist, Dr B (I'd prefer to call her that).
She asked me at the outset what I hoped to achieve with this session and what were my expectations from her. I found that personal touch very soothing. No one had asked me this before. She heard me out for a good hour and explained that the depression I'm undergoing was actually a part of the healing process.
I'm putting it down here so that it can benefit others who may read it.
Dr B said there are 5 stages of grief.
The first three being; Shock, Anger and Depression. She said divorce is a trauma and similar to 'death'. Even if I may have ended the relationship knowing fully well that I do not want to live with this man for the rest of my life, it is still the 'death of my dreams'. She explained it so beautifully that I'm tempted to go back to her.
Honestly, shes very expensive but the way she dealt with it, is worth every penny spent. She thought I was trying to snap out of the situation quickly and move on but that is not right. She said not to believe anyone who tells me to snap out of this instantly and go about life as if everything is good. She said that would only delay the healing process and if that happens, it can be detrimental rather than healing and require involvement of a psychiatrist if things were not dealt with correctly.
She wants me to write a letter to my ex (without ever posting it), to read it out to her. Wasn't what I already told her enough for my healing to happen? She said no, its essential to write down both the good and the bad side of the marriage and the thoughts that were going on in my mind. This was necessary to get a clear perspective of my thoughts, get counseling from her about them and then wash the thoughts away.
I'm trying to sit and write down all the good and bad thoughts associated with the marriage and its breakdown but trust me, its not easy. She said not to penn down a few lines but pour out my heart. I'm not sure if I can do it or whether I want to relive the entire journey again even if its in my thoughts. Its really hard to do it. What do you think?
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