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The Change Fairy?


malign

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Have you ever felt like, some time in the past when you didn't notice it, someone changed the world while you slept? Not in any major way, or you would have realized it, right off. But somehow ...

And the things you used to think were acceptable to you now aren't, but you don't yet know what things will take, or have taken, their place?

Of course, I assume that what's changed is me, and I'm not complaining or worrying. I'm just surprised, I guess, and wondering where it goes from here.

Perhaps part of it is returning to live where I lived throughout the marriage, and the dissonance between how I felt then and how I feel now. I do notice part of me tending to revert to the sullen, childish passivity that was my reality, back then, that one might almost say was my salvation. But it certainly wasn't a life, just a survival mechanism under what might otherwise have literally been fatal pressure.

It'll be interesting to see what I do differently, in the absence of the pressure.

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And the things you used to think were acceptable to you now aren't, but you don't yet know what things will take, or have taken, their place?

I know this "from the other side": Things that were not acceptable became acceptable. (I mean mostly some positive attitudes toward myself... - it was not acceptable for me to like myself and "at once", it changed...)

It'll be interesting to see what I do differently, in the absence of the pressure.

I agree... :D But it also makes me think of V.E. Frankl - as he wrote about the big dangers of the situation when a huge psychological pressure is removed. Many people can't stand it... I'm sure you're much stronger than they are (and also the kind of pressure is different). I just... want to wish you good luck in taking advantage of the absence of the pressure... :)

Take care,

L. :)

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Have you ever felt like, some time in the past when you didn't notice it, someone changed the world while you slept?

You mean the day they all suddenly forgot that a year has 364 days? That was a bit strange, indeed. We've had longer years ever since. It doesn't make any significant difference, though.

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