What the Hell??
So...this morning's therapy session:
Me: I'm really upset. This morning, my husband was talking about what a selfish, self-centered person I am. And he's right. All I do is think about my thoughts and my feelings and how much I hurt, and then I lash out at him and treat him like crap. I keep acting like a person I don't want to be, and I can't seem to stop.
Her (clearly upset): I'm concerned about whether you can be safe.
Me: I don't understand. I'm perfectly safe. I'm just really hurting and lashing out at the people around me and I hate myself for not stopping.
Her (even more upset): I think you should consider inpatient treatment.
Me: Why? Do I need medication? Intensive therapy sessions? Multiple therapy sessions per week?
Her: No. I just want you to have a break.
Me: So you want me to put my job at risk and spend thousands of dollars I don't have to take a break?
Her: I just feel so bad about how you are hurting. You're so triggered by the things around you.
Me: But those triggers will still be there when I come back, won't they?
Her: Yes.
Me: Then what will inpatient do?
Her: It's just a break.
OK...I'm sorry...I just don't get this anymore. I don't see how taking a break from my life will help me. I need to learn how to live in the day-to-day world, not run away from it. Don't get me wrong -- I understand that inpatient can be an amazing thing for people in need of intense care, medication management, all that good stuff. But I just need to learn to grow up and deal with my life. However, when I'm honest about the things I'm dealing with, my therapist gets emotional and suggests inpatient (not the first time she's done so).
So frustrated. I don't know what to do. I feel like she and I are speaking two different languages. Or in two different rooms trying to talk to each other.
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