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What's Wrong With Me Now?


Solstice

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So, for the past two days, I've felt, constantly, like I'm on the edge of a panic attack...nervous, jumpy, short of breath. Feel like something horrible is lurking behind me, like something awful is about to happen to me, like I'm about to do something bad...I don't know.

I've had panic attacks before. This is not the same. I've tried to understand why I'm feeling this way, to gain some insight into it -- but I don't get what's causing it. I've tried to breathe through it, but it just comes back a minute later. I can't focus on anything, can't think about anything except that I can't think right.

Oh, and I'm having nightmares too, which isn't usual for me. I don't remember them. I just wake up with my heart pounding and this feeling that something awful just happened.

I don't understand any of this.

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sorry your having panic attacks hun :)

and nightmares too - well ya dont do things by half do ya :(

Anything ya need/want to talk about ? You know were listening :(

Is there anything you have tried to help ease the panic you are feeling ?

Take care hun

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Thanks, Sue. I'd love to talk about what's going on, but I just don't get it at all. I just feel like my life is completely out of control and it's all going to fall apart at any moment. :)

I've tried all the little tricks that used to soothe the panic attacks -- breathing, distraction, music...nothing seems to work. I'm a mess, and I'm afraid feeling this way will just cause me to do something stupid and make my life worse. [that sounds worse than I mean it to...no, I'm not going to harm myself. Not deliberately.] This just sucks.

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Hi Solstice

Well you've gotten a lot going on for you right now - its gonna start taking its toll :(

Any chance you can get back in touch with that wonderful(:)) therapist of yours - or maybe look into getting another one (a better one :o) ?

Maybe if you broke down what is troubling you at the moment into smaller chunks, and try to just look at one chunk at a time - rather than trying to look at the whole thing in one go (if that makes sense). Maybe that would help a little. :(

Sorry the usual things you try to help with your panic attacks arent working. Have you tried just taking 'time out' for a while - find a nice comfy corner (with me its usually in the closet or when I was thinner under the bed) and just meditate or visualise that your somewhere safe, calming and peaceful ?

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"I just feel like my life is completely out of control and it's all going to fall apart at any moment."

Well, it certainly sounds like that feeling would make a person anxious ...

How certain are you about the absolutes, such as "all" and "completely"? Are there parts of your life that would hold together, regardless of what happens? Parts that you do still control?

Could those be things you could hold onto?

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Therapy is probably a smart idea, Sue, but I just can't bring myself to go there again. I've had so many negative experiences with supposedly "good" therapists. I need a break from it. I'm probably wrong to go that route, but it's what seems right to me right now.

I would break down what's troubling me into parts, but I can't even put my finger on what is troubling me. Everything. I know, "everything" can be broken down into parts, but it's like I don't have the energy to break it down.

A time out does seem good. Under my desk looks pretty tempting right now. :o

Mark, I'm sure some parts of my life will hold together, you're right. But I don't have much. I've narrowed myself down to a pretty limited world: work and relationship, both of which will fall apart if I lose it right now. They're sort of already falling apart, and I'm sure me freaking out will only speed up the process. I'm trying to find something to hold on to, but it all seems out of reach...

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A time out does seem good. Under my desk looks pretty tempting right now. :)

Ofcourse it looks tempting that is where you keep your chocolate stash afterall :o:(

Hope things ease up for you soon hun :o

Take care

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Maybe it's relevant to both Sue's and your question: I had to give up a lot of parts of my identity when it became clear that my marriage wasn't going to work. Suddenly, I stopped being Husband and Father; in fact, I had to question whether I ever really had been. I was certainly told often enough that I didn't deserve to be.

But the point is that I resisted that change for so long that I ended up threatening myself with death before I could let them go. I had myself fenced in as long as I refused to consider giving them up. No solution existed that kept my old identity, so for the longest time, I believed that there were no solutions.

But there are always solutions. There are other identities, as long as you keep your eye on "who you are": you're the person whose heartbeat you hear.

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I get it, I think, Mark...but I'm just so scared right now. Maybe that's it. Maybe part of me is just realizing that there's nothing left of the life I thought I had, and hence, panic. I don't know. And if there is nothing left of that life, then I sure don't know where I go from here.

Hadn't thought of the chocolate stash, Sue. I have to keep it hidden away in a box, so that I don't overindulge and my co-workers don't steal it. :o Makes the under-the-desk option even better.

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I wanted to drop by and say hello, if you are okay with that. Sorry you're feeling so anxious. :o I know that's a very bad feeling. I still struggle with it from time to time. Change can be frightening.

Have you tried doing some simple things that bring you pleasure and joy? Maybe that could be calming for you. Take care.

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I welcome you "dropping by," IJ. :(

I've always been an anxious person, and I'm used to working to manage it, but this seems like a lot more, somehow. And I've done the opposite of what you are suggesting -- as things have gotten worse, I've avoided and pushed out the few things in my life that do bring me joy. I'm not even sure if I know what would bring me joy at this point, and I am sure that if I found something, I'd push myself not to do it, to spend the time trying to "fix" my life instead.

Your advice is very sound, though. I will try. Thank you. :o

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Sue, I think you and I should just sit down, dump the chocolate out on my desk, and eat until we are sick of it, like I used to do every Halloween when I was a kid. :o

Hope you have a good weekend yourself. :(

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(distupting the chocolate-fest to say hey......:cool:)

I don't have much in the way of advice to offer, other than maybe consider medication? I don't know. Panic attacks are no fun. Sorry you're not feeling well, solstice. Take care.

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