There’s a light and a dark side

Standing at the crossroads, there we’ll meet

There’s prophets and fools there

The lies and the truth, will be at our feet

I got a reason to turn my head and look the other way

Its heaven and hell here, which one will I live today?

-Social Distortion

The competition between self destruct impulses and work to get better continues. Starting to get a feel for this, i.e., how to ride out the ups and downs without getting too self satisfied with the ups nor beating myself up on the downs.

Had a good chat with the priest about self judgment and mortification. Turns out none of the saints really thought themselves particularly saintly. Most saints would probably have been diagnosed with serious psychiatric conditions had they lived today.

I wonder if any modern day saints are currently in lockup. I guess you have to be a danger to self or others to be confined but I don't imagine the highly spiritually sensitive are tremendously functional in the developed world. Then again, the lives of saints are notable because they are extraordinary. They were not often considered model citizens by their contemporaries either.

The place I'm approaching is that it is really not about me. I'm responsible for my actions yet focusing on this too much is like trying to drive by only looking at the dashboard. What's going on outside is more important. Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to get on the right track. Recently this feeling has to do with getting out of my own way and letting a greater intelligence which does not seem to be my own work through me.