I've obviously got no advice on how to control your addictions. You know more about that than I do.

As far as panic attacks go, I briefly talked about them with my therapist and he told me that basically, what makes them so bad is that people fear them. He said that if you can sense one coming on, and say "To hell with it," and just let it pass, it will go away much faster. You know, kind of ask yourself "Is that all you've got?"

I haven't had a chance to test this out, but it makes sense.

I took a xanax. I know these cannot be used long term but it made me feel normal. I even ironed my clothes for tomorrow and I am usually never productive after 5:00PM or so.

I didn't fear the first one because I didn't know it was a panic attack. I just felt so sick that I thought I was gonna die. Then I looked up the symptoms to see if I should see a doctor and panic attack comes up. Not sure if that's really what it is but it was intense. At least it's giving me a new perspective on suicide in that seriously thinking you have minutes to live is great for bringing into focus what you really appreciate about life.

Also if I think of it as just a panic attack and realize I don't need to call an ambulance then that does make it easier to handle or ride it out.

I don't know too much about Xanax, but isn't it supposed to be pretty addicting? I think it's only used in extreme cases of anxiety.

The theory that xanax is addicting is based on its fast onset of effect. The assumption here is that the faster a drug comes on, the more likely the relief is to be associated with the behavior of taking the pill, so it becomes a conditioned response. Something that comes on slower, theoretically you wouldn't notice as much so it would not be as reinforcing.

I disagree. I know the effect is from the pills whether it comes on in 15 minutes or two hours. So any drug that makes me feel better will be equally "addicting" in the sense that my goal is not to maximize feelings of intoxication, but just to make the hurting stop. Of course, I have been wrong in the past. That said if I'm not sure if my anxiety counts as extreme or not. How much more extreme can you get than "ohmyfuckinggodi'mdyingrightnow" - on second thought I don't want to know.