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change the script


Ralph

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I am starting to see more of my own cognitive distortions. For a while I've been resisting getting better, but I think I'm finally growing up. I don't want to be 50 years old and still pulling this needy, "I'm broken" act. As an adult it's my job to get my act together and there are no excuses because there is no authority. There is cause and effect. If I sit around feeling sorry for myself I can get the result of that, or I can look for solutions. Hopefully this time I can hold on to this insight.

It's funny how life seems to keep throwing the same lesson at me until I learn it. The answer is there, but I tend to miss it if it isn't the answer I expect (confirmation bias). Meditation is one way to become conscious of habits that have become so normal I no longer even notice I'm doing them.

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I think this goes back to knowing the solution and implementing it again. And also to the whole "something's missing" business. I feel like I get to this point you are describing here often as well, but it falls apart in the end because of that sense of "missing". There's a part needed that isn't there. But maybe it's just that it isn't there yet?

The missing thing is maybe a type of insecurity. You say "there are no excuses because there is no authority". Maybe the authority is what's missing...or not really authority, but that guiding force of parental-like unconditional love and influence that stands behind you and imbues you with the confidence to proceed. The "missing" is maybe reassurance from an outside force. One that's secure and stabile. But what do you do when that isn't there? Is that even something you can make for yourself?

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:( Ralph, Zach, I love to read your 'dialogues'; I can relate so much to what you say, especially here... :o

This time you're lucky :) - I have no (/no other) comments. I have no clue how to help. I just wanted to say that it all makes sense to me...

Hugs to both of you :o

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Well, if it’s faith in a deity or anything religious, you got me there. I’ll always be missing. But faith in oneself or faith things will work out… then you’ve only moved the target. In doing anything to get better, you must have faith that it will work out, but it’s the “missing” thing that seems needed to keep that faith. Seems like anyone with religion would jump in and say “that thing you are missing is god!” and take the fact that there is “missing” to be evidence of such a god. But I see god as the thing created by people as a result of the “missing” when they are at a loss for what else to do.

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But I see god as the thing created by people as a result of the “missing” when they are at a loss for what else to do.

I was going to write this as a "reply" to your post, while I was reading your post, but then I saw this sentence in the end and realized that... I don't have to :).

But I wonder how Ralph see this problem as... I suppose him to be a proof that “the thing you are missing is god!” is not true, at least for him :(. Ralph? (I hope you don't see is as offensive/harsh (?) when I, an atheist, am asking you something like that. There really are no bad intentions or disregard/contempt for religion/faith!!!) You don't have to go into this issue, of course. I'm just wondering - that's all :o.

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No, i'm thinking more of a global consciousness, purpose for living, a generalized belief that there is a greater good to be a part of the world, rather than just an isolated homosapien. A creature of biological workings rather than something with some type of spirit or soul.

But I dont believe in a God per se'.

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so the need to connect. The need to feel secure in connection. The "missing" is insecurity.

I overheard a coworker talking about their 4 year old and this seems related. The kid has apparently been potty trained for awhile but has started crapping his pants and the reason is a mystery. The kid knows how to go to the bathroom and knows it's not ok and knows it's uncomfortable to crap his pants, but he keeps doing it anyway. Isn't this the sort of regression that kids do when there is a change or they are insecure? The kid can't move out of the habit because of some fear, some "missing". The weird thing is, the kid knows it's not a helpful or useful thing to crap his pants. He knows he shouldn't and he knows what he should be doing instead. And what he should be doing instead isn't even a bad or difficult thing. But the insecurity, the "missing" keeps him trapped in the habit. What breaks him of the habit? himself or his interaction with others?

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I meant the original blog post to be positive. The word script in the title is a pun on the abbreviation of prescription, and the script of things that an actor is supposed to do. Changing the former has changed the latter for me, and I'm excited about that.

Re: Faith - For me what requires faith is to trust that the initial discomfort is worth it to achieve a longer term goal. Whether that is withdrawal from an unhealthy substance, going through the trouble to get organized, or achieving any goal. What's "missing" for me is certainty that a certain strategy will get my needs met. I see connection as one of these needs, which serves as a case in point. There is no step by step method that if I follow it I can alleviate my loneliness tomorrow.

I make mistakes. I might fail. If I choose to avoid action (as was the case before this change), then I am 100% certain to fail - which at least eliminates the uncertainty. :) Faith is taking that step even when I only have influence, but not control, over the outcome. Faith is accepting that I can't do what's perfect, only the "next better thing," and that's good enough. In short, faith is the opposite of worry. At least that is how I see it for now.

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I got that the blog was supposed to be positive, but regardless, i felt the need to wander over and crap my pants.

I totally missed the pun in the title--nice work.

My problem is I can't pull faith out of my ass. Just crap, apparently.

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holy crap--this is too funny, but so, I write, right? And page 25 of my current project makes mention of this song and even has a little sub theme about faith. (I have documentation that that scene was written even before I joined this site, so you can't claim I stole the idea....just saying...) :cool:

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The missing thing is maybe a type of insecurity. You say "there are no excuses because there is no authority". Maybe the authority is what's missing...or not really authority' date=' but that guiding force of parental-like unconditional love and influence that stands behind you and imbues you with the confidence to proceed. The "missing" is maybe reassurance from an outside force. One that's secure and [stable'].

This is going to be a long answer but please bear with me. I am reading in your response here an unmet need for parenting. That's really hard to answer concisely.

When I wrote this I was examining the childish mentality that I saw myself stuck in. I was excusing my general self destructiveness on the grounds that I suffered trauma in the past. The lack of "authority" is that there is no cosmic playground monitor who is going to give me a do-over because of what I went through. I didn't learn the skills I needed then, so I gotta do that now. It wasn't my fault, but it is my problem.

But what do you do when that isn't there? Is that even something you can make for yourself?

This depends on how old you are physically and emotionally. You have to reach a certain age before the brain structures that consider long term consequences are fully grown. In my case I had to reach a certain point emotionally where I could believe that learned helplessness could be unlearned. The upshot is that yes, you can make this for yourself, but not before you're ready. Or I could be wrong. I change my mind a lot.

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This depends on how old you are physically and emotionally. You have to reach a certain age before the brain structures that consider long term consequences are fully grown. In my case I had to reach a certain point emotionally where I could believe that learned helplessness could be unlearned. The upshot is that yes, you can make this for yourself, but not before you're ready. Or I could be wrong. I change my mind a lot.

So what it you're physically 31 but emotionally maybe 13? How many years would you have to wait?

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So what it you're physically 31 but emotionally maybe 13?

Yes.

How many years would you have to wait?

I can't remember the age where your brain is fully developed and I don't want to put out something wrong, but it's over 18 I know that much. Emotionally it's not a function of time but maturity, i.e., growing up vs. growing older. Again, please don't take this as me pontificating. This is my blog which I am using as a journal - anything stated as a fact here is merely what happens to be floating through my mind at the time.

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But I wonder how Ralph see this problem as... I suppose him to be a proof that “the thing you are missing is god!” is not true' date=' at least for him :o. Ralph? (I hope you don't see is as offensive/harsh (?) when I, an atheist, am asking you something like that. There really are no bad intentions or disregard/contempt for religion/faith!!!) .[/quote']

I'm not sure if I understand the question, but regarding the question of "the thing you need is god" - I believe cultivating a spiritual practice is instrumental to my growth as a person and choosing constructive options over destructive ones. This is a personal matter though and I bristle when people suggest that "all you need is to surrender-ah to JEEZUS-ah!" Beyond the arrogance of such a blanket statement, I would be very surprised if anybody ever found God by being yelled at.

I would prefer to say that the steps you need to take depend on where you are now and where you want to go.

Also, this:

squeerelig.jpg

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