You're second guessing yourself, Ralph. You haven't made it this long on luck, you made it this far by making the decision to better your quality of life and by having determination.

"To act in the socially prescribed manner?" No, that's not the reason you're doing this. You know that it's hurting you, and you see more benefits of being sober than staring down the neck of a bottle.

Just remember Ralph, either way you go, there is going to be some level of doubt. But atleast when you're sober and in doubt, you can go to the calendar and flip back a few pages to the date when you quit and shut the voice of doubt out. Because there you will find a circled date of the day you decided to take a stand, and you'll know that you have indeed accomplished something. Hang in there. I know you can do this, there's no doubt in my mind. Keep posting.

Hope today is better, Ralph. It amazes me how our thoughts will run on with the false comfort of hurting ourselves, giving up or ending it all. I do it too. It seems so automatic as a mechanism. Keep reaching for the real thing!!!! (real comfort, real peace) it only needs to happen in this moment

Thanks for the perspective. I think my addiction was again toying with me while I didn't recognize it.

Having a mood disorder and a propensity to self medicate are a reinforcing combination.