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Hanging in There but It's a Long Road


Jenna520

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The last few days have been terribly hectic and emotionally draining. I just wish that I could make my dad all better. He's still in the hospitial. They transferred him 50 miles away from my home to a bigger, more advanced hospital on Saturday. I stayed up there until late yesterday and had to come back home to do some laundry and spend some time with my children.

Dad isn't doing good at all and is set for surgery to scrape his lungs tomorrow morning. I'm going to get some things done around here and go to their farm and feed the animals before spending the night up there tonight and the next few days. I hope this surgery takes care of the fluid, which they say has turned to a putty like substance caked onto his lung walls.

I've turned into a rather blunt person, which I usually am not. The nurses there are forgetting to get him medicines, prolonging his discomfort, and so on, and it's making me irritable. He couldn't catch his breath the other night and we pushed the nurses call button and no one came in for 10 minutes.... so I went out and searched her down and told her exactly what she needed to do and that I wanted it done now. Thirty minutes later, after he had his medicine and got his oxygen back on, he was sleeping comfortably. Yesterday I confronted a nurse about forgetting his pain meds just before I left. I feel awful for becoming this angry and confrontational person, but they keep making his pain worse than it needs to by forgetting things and delaying things.

I'm about to have a meltdown.:(

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Jenna, I'm sorry that things continue to be so difficult. :) I think it's okay to assert yourself with the nurses and doctors. This is your father and you want to do what you can to be sure he is being cared for properly. Good for you. I hope you can offer yourself some compassion and kindness now. This is a painful time and you are extending yourself in every way possible to help your family. I hope you get some time to breathe and relax tonight. Take gentle care of yourself.

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Dad didn't get to have surgery yesterday because one of his tests hadn't come back from the lab, but it looks like everything is set to go today after noon sometime. It's going to be a complicated procedure. I'm really nervous.

I came home last night because I was so emotionally overwhelmed I didn't think it would do either of us any good if I kept bursting into tears. I brought home more laundry and got that done, now I'm drinking my coffee, preparing to get ready to leave. There's a lot to do and such a long road ahead.

Good news is they have done tests while he's been at the hospital on his heart and it hasn't gotten any worse than it was, so that means the delay in getting the defibillator in hasn't caused more damage.

I'll be glad when this procedure is finished, Dad's on the mend, and he can come home for a while to heal before his heart surgery.

I'm trying not to become too emotionally overwhelmed, but only time will tell as to whether I can make it through this without becoming a wreck. (more of a wreck thank I already am.)

Thank you IJ and Lana for thinking of me yesterday, and I'm sorry I hadn't had time to post an update.

Got to run, today is the big day.... here's hoping everything goes great, and that today marks the begining of healing for Dad.

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The surgery went well, and seems to be successful. All biopsies and samples have been sent off but the surgeon said he saw nothing that indicated anything cancerous which is good news. Dad is in a lot of pain but the hospital is doing an excellent job at making him as comfortable as possible. I do believe once they remove the drainage tubes which are between his ribs, that he will be much more comfortable.

I can definitely say this experience has brought me and my dad much closer together. The bond has strengthened though I wish my I could say the same for my mother. I know she has a mental disorder and that I should overlook the things she has to say and take it as a grain of salt but I've yet to be able to listen to hurtful words and let them not hurt me. It's almost as if she's jealous of my being there?

Either way, this is definitely the beginning of healing for Dad, though we still don't know what to expect from his heart. Just taking it one step at a time.... that's all I can do. God has blessed me and given me peace.

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It's wonderful that everything went smoothly, Jenna. I hope your father continues to heal. It's great that you feel closer with your father now.

I know she has a mental disorder and that I should overlook the things she has to say and take it as a grain of salt but I've yet to be able to listen to hurtful words and let them not hurt me.

Can you think of some ways to lessen the power of those words, Jenna? Distance yourself from them? Sometimes it does help me to see where the other person is struggling and know that their behavior is about them and not me. Not always easy, though.

One step at a time, yes. Take care.

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