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I've got to vent!



Yesterday was a hectic day.... the last three days have been hectic. Dad is still in critical condition. I've been driving to the farm to feed the animals every night, sitting with him some during the day, doing the laundry for them since mom is staying with him, taking care of the kids, and trying to run the household. I feel like I'm doing it all myself.

I'm pissed with the doctor... had it not been for him sending dad home with fluid in his lungs TWICE, we wouldn't be in this position. The doctor accidently marked him to go without breakfast the day before yesterday so he went without some to eat from 6pm-12 pm which really pissed me off, so I got up yesterday morning and went grocery shopping and took him a load of things to have in case they do it again. The doctor's bedside manner is down right rude. I've told mom I want dad sent to a more advanced hospital but with her mental compacity, I don't think she really understands the whole situation. I tried to convince her to tell them to do the chest tube to let all the fluid drain continuously instead of risking letting the antibiotics take care of it, which it hasn't the last three treatments, or instead of taking a needle and drawing just enough fluid off his lungs. I'm irritated, to say the least. I'm about to explore my options of what I can do to become the medical power of attorney. I've got to go see my therapist this morning after I go to the hospital to take mom and dad some things. It's been storming through the night, so I've been up with my daughter telling her it's okay, and finally got her back to sleep.

My ex husband is taking this time to aggravate me and pick arguments. He keeps calling me asking me if she's studied her vocabulary, her spelling, her multiplication tables. YESSSSSS! But the test is four days away and the reason he is asking is so that he doesn't have to help her study considering the test falls on his visitation days. Sometimes I'd like to pull my hair out when he acts this childish.

I'm tired, I'm pushed to my limits, and I'm about to blow up on the doctor and my ex husband.

I've got a lot to talk about at my appointment with the therapist this morning.:(


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I hope your therapy appointment went well, Jenna, and that you are able to feel some relief from all of this stress.

One thing I've learned from the times my father was in the hospital was that you really do have to speak up at times. Assert your needs around your dad's care and ask for second opinions.

I hope things calm down for you. This must be so very difficult on you right now. :) I hope you can do something relaxing for yourself today. Take care.

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Went the night without sleep, but I got mom and dad's laundry done just in time to take it by the hospital before I had to go to my therapist appointment. They drained more fluid from his lungs the majority of the day. They drained 3 liters on Friday or Saturday, and I had to leave for my appointment and get back home to the kids before they finished draining the fluid today. I'm tired.

My therapist said in these exact words, " You're not doing good at all, I want you back in a month, don't cancel!" I know I'm not doing good. I'm filled with anger for having to go through this by myself. I'm angry with my brother, the doctor, my mom, and anybody who looks at me the wrong way. He changed my medicine, and I'm hopeful this one will help me better control my moods without all the sideaffects.

I haven't been able to take a calming time out for myself yet IJ but I'm hoping to be able to find the time and not feel guilty about taking a second for myself. I appreciate your support. I feel overwhelmed right now and lacking in support.

To top things off, I was denied for SSI yet again, and though there hasn't been a date set yet, I've got to go before a judge. I've got a conference with a lawyer tomorrow. I'm hoping things will go well with that as well. I look at the appeal papers and I don't know what else I can write. It seems as though it doesn't matter how limited I am, my age and education eliminates my elgibility.

It's after midnite so I've got to attempt sleep. I've got to drive out to my parent's farm early to do some things, and then go by the hospital. Tomorrow will prove to be a busy day. I'm mustering up all the mental, emotional, and physical strength that I can right now. Here's hoping for a sucessful day tomorrow.

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Thank you, IJ. There has been some good news in the last 24 hours. They did a CT scan yesterday to check for cancer and it turned out fine.... BIG RELIEF! They put the tube in to stay for a few days to drain his lung continously. This morning they did a chest xray which revealed there is still a lot of fluid in his lung to drain, but they are doing an ultrasound of his heart later on today to see if it is still surrounded by a lot of fluid. If it is, they are going to put a tube in the front to drain that. As of right now, his stay in the hospital is longer than first thought. Being released is not in sight right now. I just want him to get better.

They said they will be moving him out of the critical care unit within the next couple of days if they can get the fluid under control.

I had to break down and make myself a doctor's appointment for tomorrow due to the knot in my back. I've let it get to the point it's almost got me down in my back. I can't let that happen.

The medicine that the doctor changed me to hasn't had time to kick in yet, but I can tell a difference just going off the prozac. I don't feel numb. Yesterday was a bad day for me on breaking down in tears. It could be just where I've gone off the Prozac. Or possibly lack of sleep. I was rather irritable yesterday as well. It's really too early to tell today as to how my mood is going to be.

Beth, how are you doing? What's the weather like where you are? It's unpredictable here right now. We'll have tornado watches and thunderstorms with temps in the 60's one day and freezing drizzle the next. It's insane. I'd like to see a pretty snow.

I hope you are doing well.

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hi Jenna :o

thanks for the hugs, {{{{hugs, to you too hun :o}}}}

Erm, things are kinda stuck for me - you know how it goes SSDD - hard for me to be optimistic about things right now. But guess Im ok enough - Im still breathing and that always helps - right? :)

Sorry lifes giving you a harsh time of it all lately, an I truely hope that things become easier for you soon. Stay strong and keep yer head up hun, one step at a time and you'll get there. :)

Thinking of you,

all the best and take care

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Jenna, I hope your father recovers and is soon well again. I also hope the doctor can help you with your back pain. It's good that you are taking care of yourself too. Did you ever get the chance to do something relaxing just for you?

I am doing well. The weather this winter has been crazy. We had a foot of snow in October (snow that early is pretty much unheard of here) and since then there has only been a few storms with nothing more than an inch or two. Currently we have no snow because yesterday it was almost 50 degrees. So, yes, unpredictable here too. :confused:

Hope you get some peaceful rest tonight.

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I did manage to take a bit of time to relax today. I didn't go to the hospital instead I stayed home and caught up on a few household chores. I caught myself a nap and have watched a couple college basketball games this evening, which I enjoy. I felt guilty for not going to the hospital, but I've got to keep my strength up as well.

I've got to go to the doctor in the morning. Hopefully the knot isn't anything too serious. Maybe they can give me an anti inflammatory if it's inflamation, and make things better. I've got to stay optimistic.

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