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Living for something so as not to die for nothing



I think my thoughts about death may be about a desire to live for something larger than myself. Then again, maybe a desire for selflessness is really just another avoidance tactic (martyrdom - I must be a good person; look how much I allow myself to suffer).

I push people away because I learned a long time ago not to trust others to fulfill my needs, but that isolation has led to a lack of meaning. The needs for meaning and connection don't seem to be ones I can fulfill without taking some risk in trusting others.

So far I've been quite focused on fulfilling my own needs through my own methods; after all I am the only one I can depend on. This has led to a state where I'm ashamed of the type of person I've become.


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Ralph:) Just a thought.

Not everyone can die a hero but everyone CAN live like one. Little things mean a lot. Holding the door for someone, paying the last 17 cents for someones purchase or picking up something that someone dropped and didn't notice or couldn't pick up for themselves.

These things won't get you a ticker-tape parade but it will bring a smile of appreciation from a lighter heart and perhaps for just a moment boost someones faith in humanity.

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I do try to be a basically nice person. I feel like what comes around goes around and faith in humanity needs as much help as it can get. Still it seems like I need to do more. Since I'm not raising a family I should be more involved with my nieces and nephews but I don't even remember their birthdays. I feel bad about that, but I've been too depressed up til now to even notice things like that. I wonder what other important omissions I am not even aware of.

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I agree about humanity. But as for you doing more...a person can only do so much. I have gotten stressed out and forgotten my childrens birthdays and I gave birth to them. Don't beat yourself up too bad. No one is perfect but you are the perfect person to be you living your life. There is nothing more important than you to remember. You can always apologize and make amends but you can't regain what you forget about you. (If that even makes sense). :)

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