reaching for you through the shards is a good reason to live, Ralph

Thanks for reaching for us through our shards... it is appreciated.

What is the core problem Ralph? Meaninglessness? Loneliness? Emptiness? Disconnection? Not living up to some standards you've set for yourself?

the core problem is that I don't have the skills to cope with bad memories. I do stupid stuff when I am running away from them, leading to the things you mentioned.

the core problem is that I don't have the skills to cope with bad memories. I do stupid stuff when I am running away from them, leading to the things you mentioned.

What kind of bad memories? Major traumatic event or years of years of people letting you down in some form or another and therefore you've simply grown to expect the worst from people?

It's a few moderately traumatic events that have grouped together into one mass. I really can't or won't remember the details... It might be stupid stuff that I do to get away from it but in the end I do manage to shove it all away behind my daily awareness. I'm quite good at forgetting.

Have you tried to remember the details and work through them in therapy?

Yes, when I was in therapy for PTSD. It was a little hard to get at them but then once they were out it was rough getting them back contained so I could go about the rest of my day.

I processed most of it but these ones still feel a little too scary to take head on. My current therapist is CBT oriented so doesn't do much with traumatic memories.

Sorry Ralph, that sounds rough. I suppose CBT could help you cope at some level until you are ready to deal with the tough memories. What do you think would have to happen for you to feel strong enough to handle them? What made you leave the PTSD therapist?

Thanks for your questions; they help me work through some stuff. The PTSD therapist moved out of state. I think I'm getting stronger now, which is why this issue is starting to come to the surface. It's just that in the back of my mind is a big flashing warning that this piece was buried so deep for a reason. I'm afraid of remembering something I was better off forgetting.

Too bad about your T. I'd be a complete mess if mine stopped right now.

It seems that your problem at the moment then is indecision. And fear keeping you in that state. It probably takes effort to go track down the right T for this and any excuse to procrastinate is probably stopping you dead in your tracks. Maybe you could write down the required steps to get you moving on this and it would give you that little nudge that you need.

Just a thought.