I think that I have read this is true about compulsions. The compulsion relieves the anxiety. I hope you can be gentle with yourself, Kayla. It's not easy changing these behaviors and you've been working hard. Maybe you might try by only checking a few times? Can you do something else to alleviate your anxiety? Maybe try to breathe through it? Take care today.

Well, usually during the anxiety all I think about is a compulsion. Like, I HAVE to do that one thing, right now. Or else the world is going to end. When really, I might have a small panic attack that lasts 5-10 minutes, and then it's all over. I do these little finicky things to keep myself from having an anxiety attack, when honestly, the panic attack is probably easier to go through. It's such a silly problem for me, but when I'm in that state of mind, it's NOT silly and I feel as though I might just die if I don't go through with the compulsion.

I do a number of different things to relieve anxiety. There are a few that I do more often than others though.

Those would be: Pulling my hair out strand by strand, checking the trunk of my car multiple times, checking for my keys 4 times, every single time I get out of the car (even if I'm not driving), checking every closet in the house when I get home... which I will do again when I get anxious. And there's various other things I go through daily. There have been times where I was able to breathe through the anxiety and keep myself from having a panic attack, and doing the compulsion which feels amazing! But it's not always that easy.

I also try to do things that help me from having so much anxiety. My boyfriend and I have been playing tennis since I've been here, and I've realized it's helped me and it's good exercise! I also enjoy painting, and doing all sorts of DIY crafts. Sometimes with the crafts though, my perfectionist personality will come through and I won't be able to sleep because what I was working on is not finished, or isn't exactly the way I want it to be. I enjoy doing it though.

Thank you for replying IrmaJean, you're so sweet and I always find comfort in reading your posts.

I hope you can try not to place judgment on your responses and behaviors, Kayla. This is very difficult for you. It's challenging. It sounds like you are working very hard and that's great.

I'm happy that you find my posts comforting. I enjoy being comforting and channeling that energy. That comforts me. I hope you enjoy your day.