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Hmmm, what should I write about today? I had a very good appointment with my psychologist today. We talked a lot about the ego.

I had a pretty rough childhood with a lot of trauma. I will not go into that because I believe everyone is entitled to their own privacy. I do not want to divulge the private information of anyone else without their ok.

Anyways, I have denied all my life that the kind of childhood I had had any impact on who I am today. It is just recently that I have realized and admitted that the events of my childhood did a lot to shape the person I am today.

When you are a child your mind is a blank slate. It is ready and willing to be formed. In other words, your ego is fresh and just beginning to form itself. The ego forms itself through life experiences. Growing up in a traumatic atmosphere did not provide my ego with a lot of good things to learn and accept.

Don't get me wrong, I think I am a good person but some of the things I learned in childhood need to be changed. My ego is a little damaged. It is going to take a lot of hard work to undo the negative things I learned and replace them with positive things. I have taken the first step though - I have recognized and finally admitted to the negative things I learned and incorporated as a child. I am also at a point in my life where I feel strong enough and am completely willing to work on healing my ego.

It never fails to astound me how powerful our minds really are!

I have two blog sites if you wish to check them out. One blog site is about my life with depression and the other is a christmas craft blog. I just started the Christmas craft one so there is not too much there yet but you are welcome to take a look.




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Protecting privacy is an interesting reason not to go into things.

If you mean your own privacy, well, lots of us have those concerns. This is the internet, after all.

But if you're worried about someone else's privacy and not your own, that's different. I talk all the time about my ex-wife, for instance, safe in the knowledge that it can't harm her because no one knows who _I_ am. As a person who has been significant to me, she forms part of my world-of-experience, and therefore to me, a suitable subject for me to discuss. It's mine to talk about precisely because it happened to me ...

Anyway, that's how I see it.

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No, I am not worried about my privacy. I am pretty forthcoming about my depression.

What I mean is the privacy of other people. Others in my life who have depression or some other illness and are not open to discussing it. If they are not comfortable talking to anyone and everyone about their issues then I don't feel it is my place to talk about them. Some people are extremely private and it would devastate them if they knew I wrote anything about them.

That's not to say I don't discuss other people. I have no problem saying my sister has 2 children or that my mom lives with sister. I have no problem saying my husband is a teacher. I just don't like to divulge real personal private things about others.

I like how you say something involving others happened to you so therefore you do have some ownership of the situation. I never thought of things that way. I will still protect the privacy and feelings of others though when it comes to personal private issues.

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This is interesting.. The atmosphere we grow up..

The atmosphere i grew up wasn't very helpful for me.. Strange, but since i was kid i saw that my parents are something that i'm not. I felt like they are oposite to who i am.. That's why i didn't feel understood. I felt they don't get me. I'm not like them and never can be. They were not a bad example at all, but different people. Strange. Our personalities simply didn't match. Why? Maybe because i felt misunderstood and that's why - disapointed (in the back of my head)..? No.., i don't know nothing about that.. However.

Now i have ring on my finger.

And today i wonder.- i'm lucky but why i can't accept my role. I love my role in life and i want to play it, i'd love it, so much! But what's wrong with my perception.. The ONLY STABILE(!!!) ground for me turned out God. He's always the same and He knows my soul, He's always there, listening and giving ansvers, reliable, true, can trust Him and He's more alive and Real than i am, i have experience with that. So it's my ground.!:( He's the only reason that keeps me to stay here on earth, He keeps me going. But i guess sometimes it's hard, why would it be..? No.. that's depression that is hard. It gets hard for me when i start to feel something and i can't move before i figure out what could it be. Usually it's strong feeling about missing doing something that i had to or should be doing and i can't remember what, or i simply feel that i can't start moving because i am depressed by something, i don't know what on earth it could be - that "something".. So.. that's nothing but depression obviously.... I've tryed to figure out what could it be.. "What!?" - i thought "what is it..? What is wrong? What could have ever been wrong?" But it's nothing!! Wow.. what a relief.. :)

Depression + too much runing thoughts obviously.. - Now to remember that.! To hang in and make apointment to doctor soon..

Thanx, stigmabegone!! :)

I guess there must be something about your nickname :)

I was thinking about childhood today too and i also never did before. I've been trying to figure out what could it be that keeps me "paralized" and depressed. You started this blog, and i started to type this comments and then i couldn't help my thoughts. Started to wonder.. And this is where i got lol

A bit strange.

So, somehow your blog turned out to be very helpful to me. Well.. not gona deleate all this now.. When i forget everything again maybe i can read this over lol. Maybe this turns out to be interesting for someone, maybe not.

HowEver.. i'm happy for you, you sound very positive and seems like you're doing much better!


love / medlem

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