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Better. . .

devils daughter


The bad person feeling is still “around” but kind of in the background.

Writing here helped my rationality stay a speck in the background when bad person took over. That’s been an issue for about the last year. Rationality could acknowledge bad person but when bad person took over, it could not acknowledge rationality. I guess maybe when rationality acknowledged bad person and evil person, it gained some strength – the strength of understanding, maybe, since that is what it is about? – and so it had enough strength on its own to stay around, as a speck.

Reminds me of yin and yang, kind of.

I had some sad, scary news Saturday but survived without bad person or depression (bad person directed inward?) totally taking over. Felt unbearably sad for awhile. But the intensity passed in another while. Still a little sad, scared, ashamed and/or guilty-feeling, but doing OK.

Feeling my feelings. “Cured.” There are some obviously painful aspects about that but the only way I can possibly stay functional at this point. So says my rationality and the rest of me agrees.


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Maybe it fits better when you refer to this as a feeling rather than attaching a negative label to your sense of self. Perhaps the part of you that you refer to as "bad" serves some purpose, such as protecting you from deep inner pain. Just a thought that may not fit for you. I do believe that self-compassion is very important. And of course, balance. I'm glad you are finding your way, even if the road is sometimes bumpy.

Take care.

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Thanks for caring and posting, IJ. :) I do think the “bad person” was a protective dissociation and reaction system. Without the dissociation, it might very well have been – and yet may be – a feeling. I call it “bad person” but, thanks to therapy, my overall feeling about it now is validation. The negative label doesn’t affect my feeling about it now. My dissociation was not so extreme that I felt like the different ones needed different names but we did need to call them something in order to understand them as separate action systems, which was important to the process of acknowledging their existence and what function they might have.

I suppose that when I talk about my inner experience like that and since mine has been so different from a lot of other people’s, then it may not be so clear what I’m talking about. Sorry. :(

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I'm glad to know that you feel validation towards that part of yourself. Actually your experience makes perfect sense to me. I have found value in coming to understand different aspects or parts of myself as well. I'm often referring to the vulnerable one... I think it helps a great deal to understand and feel compassion for all parts of ourselves. This is one way to achieve better balance and also learn self-care.

Take gentle care of yourself, DD.

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The flower in my avatar is a portulaca, also called moss rose. I put some around my mailbox a few years ago, so I thought that would be good to use for "messages" here, too.

I like sunflowers, too. Also the kernels -- roasted, with a little salt!

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It's a pretty flower, DD. I hadn't heard of that kind of flower.

I like sunflowers too, epp. I believe (though not certain) my flower is a dahlia. I like switching my avatar according to how I'm feeling. Pink is embracing my femininity.

Take care.

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