Oh man. He was there. C_ was there. At the bike ride. f&()(*(&^(*^. After the ride there was beers and he was there. And I hear him talking to some girl who was somewhat pretty. He was like "look at you all good looking or something" and then I felt so little and I was acting like I didn't see him the whole time. I felt so hurt. Now I am crying like a little baby. My room mate is saying: F him, just move on. Do your thing.
But I am just here. wallowing in my hurt. Thinking of what it could have been. How I wanted to be with him so much. I want to move on but somehow I just think of him.
The whole time I felt so uncomfortable and distracted. I was talking to others but had not much interest. I felt like I was boring. Like all my friends were boring. All the new people I talked to were boring. F(*&(*&(&!
What is this? It's nothing. there's nothing left. there was never anything. But here I am fantasizing. And it feels like a knife through my heart. I don't want to be like this. I want to be strong. Have a clear mind. Yet I am like this.
I am not boring, but I am not what he wants. And somehow this is what I focus on. For the love! Why?
I dont know what to do now. All my good ideas are gone out the window. I want to change my mind. So distressed.