Too much has happened since I last posted. My dog died, half in my arms late into the night on May 25th. He was suffering and absolutely nothing could be done for him so I had to sign to put him down

My moods are still cycling a couple of times a week. Last week I managed to have 5 normal days in a row but still no desire to go out. I have to force myself.

I keep seeing and hearing things. Now it happens even when I'm in or close to a normal state. Pdoc now says I have Bipolar NOS with Psychotic features. Well that stinks. I'm supposed to get better, not worse. Doc says this is a tough one because Its been untreated and run its course for over 40 years!

I am so tired of fighting to become well. I probably will just give up and just let the illness run its course. If it gets worse, so be it.

There is a psychiatric hospital not too far away from home. Maybe someone will lock me away there. It' a better alternative than taking my life (have plan, place & the means)