well, we had another date Thursday night. I met him at his place and we took his motorbike that I like. It was my first time on a bike. I was a bit scared. I told him. So he was gentle and rode slowly. I really liked it.
At the lil pub, we had wings and beer. We talked. He told me again, in more details, how when he was a kid. His mom beat him up. He asked if I had ever been beaten up. I hesitated to talk. But I did. He said it was a lot more than he wanted to reveal to me at this point. I understand. As it did in fact kind of put me on my guards. It's not that he has a past per se. I do understand. I mean, to me it just seem that much harder when it is your mom beating you. Especially as a boy.
Then, I don't know why but we came onto the subject of past girlfriend/boyfriends. He said that all his past girlfriend had been extremely jealous. And that he was the one that ended all, except one relationship. He said, it was weird in a way, because he never even thought of cheating on any of them. I do believe him. I asked him: "why then did you go out with them than?" He said: "I guess you attract the same people over and over when you are in a certain frame of mind, and then my frame of mind changed, and so, it seems I don't attract this anymore". Fair enough.
Yesterday, I went to watch UFC with him and a bunch of his friends. Then we came back to my place. All is good. Today, he's going on a 'cruise' with, wait for it, wait for it... Andrea...and other friends. I was a bit upset to learned this but. whatever. I asked him how he knew her. He said through some friends, that he just met her...and she seemed 'fine' and nice. Asked how he got to go on a cruise and all... he didn't really answer. whatever.
Now today, it seems it doesn't really bother me that he's going to see her. I just have a strange feeling of not really caring if our thing works out or not. He's nice and all but, are we really a good match? I would like to spend a day with him as opposed to night. Go hiking or something. I don't know.
And where am I going with my 'life' is the underlying feeling I have right now.
I feel that there's something missing. Like my ducks are not thoroughly lined up. I feel it's true that you attract certain people as opposed to others because of a state of mind or the way your life is. My life doesn't seem to reflect entirely who I am right now I find. I don't expect to have every aspect of my life shaped like a cement block. But a little more clarity would be nice.
I wonder, for instance, if it is important to have a lot of activities in common. If it is important that intellects should be matched. I know similar values are important...
I feel sometimes that the guy who matches me most in most areas is Mark, my roommate. But we aren't attracted to each other. So weird.
Anyway. I'll have to get back to this cus I don't know where I am going with these strange thoughts that are entering my concsiousness right now.