I have to finish this thing!
1-2. When I was 14, I looked like a kid still. I am with charles. I have decided that I wanted to sleep with him. Cus I wanted a boyfriend. I thought it was the way to go about it. that he would love me. I wanted to experience that as well as I thought, it's time, it's a rare opportunity, and I don't want to fall behind
3. Charles is there with me
4. I lost my virginity, my mom is looking for me and she's scared. I just want my dad not to find me. But I don't feel safe here either.
5. Loneliness. Fear
6. I would have not done it. Right then I thought it was the only way to get respected and grow up, but it wasn't
7. A bit numb, but I am also really exited.
8. My mom. I would say, I don't actually want this, why didn't you tell me that I could actually wait cus there would be tons of other guys. Why didn't you help me get beautiful and feminin instead of keeping me in this perpetual state of androgeneity and child like clothes. All I wanted is to feel confindent and have boys look at me. Not jump in bed with them when the first would come.
9. this is bad
10. go away.
1. I feel regrets
2. anger and regrets. anger at my mom. regreat that I did this because I didn't know and thought I had no choice. I weight my options the wrong way.
3. I should have wait! Until 16!
4. the power to feel confident.