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A letter to Y revisions revisions.


tourdelove

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Hi folks... Hope you bloggies are well, my good friends and explorers of the mind... :(

Well, I just want to bounce ideas with you about this letter I am thinking of writing to Y. I probably will not send it, but just so to get your opinion as to 'am I off the tracks?", thinking right? too much?

anyway, let me know what you think...

here goes:

well, I got your email.

Y, I did receive your email.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. For the sake of clarity I will now. More bizarre things have happened...

In all honesty, when I talk to you last, I had already made up my mine. I had the impression that your heart wasn't ready for much. That there was still some unfinished story in your heart that made you bounce from this to that. That I was one of these bounces. I had to check before I moved on. To make sure I wasn't braking something good and that it was just time and space you needed. Sorry I put you on the spot.

Was I ready for more at that point? too much of a good thing is just as bad as not enough, that's where my mind was at. Balance. And talk it out. Is the only thing I can do. One thing is sure though, I was ready for getting to know you, lil by lil. Quite frankly, I can be just as content alone as with someone. And hearts, they heal. Frustration? yaaa, no fun but it's not like I can't handle that either. But to each is own.

I remember now, just before I called you, my favorite song from Massive Attack was playing while I worked. Funny. In hindsight, I wonder if it played a role in me trying to get it over with. I still think you're a good person, so don't worry. Wont avoid you like I would a rabid dog who also has swine flu and a crusty back. :(

Oh... that song was "tear drop on the fire" .

take care

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Well, this is difficult, because it's such a personal decision what you want to tell him.

My suggestions:

o Make sure you know exactly what you want to say with each paragraph. Revise until you get what you want to say.

o Wait at least a day between the time you finish writing and the time you decide whether to send it, and re-read it just before sending.

o Add an extra grain of caution: how will you feel about having sent it, in six months?

After that, maybe it's what you need him to know. Or maybe it's just stuff you need to hear. You don't sound wildly "off the tracks", here, to me.

I'd still go with the wrap-the-laptop-over-his-head idea. But that's just me. :-)

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Ya. I know. I think it's what I want to hear. I would wait a day, and I probably'll never send it. Exactly, how will I feel about it in 6 months. Is he even worth my time and writing?

I wrote a letter like that twice now. The only guy that didn't get one is C... well maybe Y wont get one.

I don't know if it serves my purpose or not.

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You could always print it, preferably on something thick like cardboard (sheet metal would just be too cruel) and shove it somewhere personal on him ... ;-)

My imagination is more dangerous than people think.

Good thing I'm really a nice guy.

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Yah you are! well no.

I don't know what I am trying to accomplish with this. Yes, I want him to know why I asked him that last saturday. I want him to know also that I know why he's not ready. a lil.

I mean, recently, my friend who;s also friend with his ex [she dumped him over 2 years ago....but hung around him last spring...before leaving for the East again], said that his ex had told her that Y sent her texts last week telling her how he wanted to, hum, please her... and she said she would like him to come back to the east for two weeks to...

So, I don't know how much weigh that has but, it's just weird. Than there was the Andrea also in the picture...

I just want to say, hey, I know it's not me. You're right. But it still hurts.... If he needs to get over something still... fine.

It's the second time now that I get caught in this. I wonder how I pick them... It's not all true I guess what I write there.

In the back of my mind, maybe I wish I could change his mind. Change his feelings for me... but that is impossible.

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I still suggest torture. You might not change his feelings, but you'll change yours and have fun in the process. :-)

Nah ... If you're going to write to him, it's important to know for sure why. It could be to change his mind; it could be to tell him how you feel, how he hurt you; it could be to tell him to get stuffed ... But it can only be one of those. :-)

You can't afford to obsess about him, though. I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm gonna bet he's not worth it.

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Oops I just saw that my senstence was broken and it read a bit like I was saying well, no, you're not a nice guy!!!! ahah, hopefully you didn't notce or didn't care.... But you are a nice guy!

I know I can't afford to obsess about anything really. but somehow, I still do!!!! gawd.

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Ha. Perhaps I just filter out anything I don't want to hear. :-P Nah, I just knew you wouldn't say that.

You, my dear, need a new hobby. :-)

If you won't try torture, maybe Amanda's leaf-collection idea would work. At least it would get you out hiking.

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well, thing is, I've got several hobbies. I just don't do them, or don't do them as much as I should. But tonight it's my friend;s birthday, and I will also go to the gym now...and next week I have a little design contract. finally something to keep my mind busy!!!!!!!!!

I so neeeeeeeeed it.

and I need a guy who wants me as much as I do and his ready. Not someone who still textes his ex sweet nothings, and potentially double dates.

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Of course when I was talking to my friend yesterday, and saying I wasn't with Y anymore... And I said as a conclusion, as per to try and convince myself: "he's not a big loss"... She said huh, that's weird, it's two girls other then you I know now who've went out with him that said exactly the same thing... why?????

well, I didn't go in details..... But I was like, why didn't you tell me before!!!!!!! I want to know why from them to now!

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Maybe he's not a big loss. :-)

"Three out of three discerning customers agree ..."

Why didn't they tell you? Everyone's different. How could they know it might not work out, for you? And after they told you he wasn't a big loss, to them, if you liked him, would they have lost your friendship? Maybe they didn't want to risk it.

I don't know. Worrying about it might count as obsessing, though, a wee bit. ;-)

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revisions....to the letterrrrrr

Y, I did receive your email.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. For the sake of clarity I will now. More bizarre things have happened...

In all honesty, when I talk to you last, I had already made up my mine. I had the impression that your heart wasn't ready for much. That there was still some unfinished story in your heart that made you bounce from this to that. That I was one of these bounces. I had to check before I moved on. To make sure I wasn't braking something good and that it was just time and space you needed. Sorry I put you on the spot.

Was I ready for more at that point? too much of a good thing is just as bad as not enough, that's where my mind was at. Balance. And talk it out. Is the only thing I can do. One thing is sure though, I was ready for getting to know you, lil by lil. Quite frankly, I can be just as content alone as with someone. And hearts, they heal. Frustration? yaaa, no fun but it's not like I can't handle that either. But to each is own.

I remember now, just before I called you, my favorite song from Massive Attack was playing while I worked. Funny. In hindsight, I wonder if it played a role in me trying to get it over with. I still think you're a good person, so don't worry. Wont avoid you like I would a rabid dog who also has swine flu and a crusty back. :)

Oh... that song was "tear drop on the fire" .

take care

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Mmm. K. I'll skip the the song. But I love that song. unfortunately. It was almost like a premonition for me... so that's why I wrote that but. yah, obsession middle name.

I'm worried about me too :)

well, about the fact that I do this ya, it's like I can't move on even tho I say I do....

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