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breaking some eggs


tourdelove

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Well, after all my reflection and obsession over this and trying to see were I went wrong, I just come to the simple cliche conclusion that you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. My omelette is now done. I may eat it alone for now but it's better than walking on eggshells.

I asked. got an answer. It may not be what I wanted but it was apparent all along that it would come to this. better now then later. He was right in a way.

He can't give me what I want, even if it might be so easy cus it's not much more than what I was given so far. But that's his limit. My limit is higher.

I have to accept that I didn't do anything wrong. That I have to respect myself and what I want and need to feel happy. I did and I owe it to myself to shake my own hand. I didn't do that in the past. I just got the crumbs were given to me, felt bad about myself, felt needy, and it came out eventually... and crashed.

Now I was like 'hey, you may not like it but I need more attention'. That's just the way it is.

So it may not look like an improvement on the outside. And looking at the past two years and all the rejection I encounter, it would appear I am doing things in the very wrong way! But that's only on the outside.

I may have attachment problems, yes. But I know what they are... Working on it. And, in all honesty, sometimes you just need someone who it just doesn't bother. Like everybody has a set of 'problems' and their set of problems just fits well with yours so you're not threaten by them. I have to accept that.

True success is having many defeats without ever giving up.

Being defeated is often a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent.

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my life is a battle zone right now. I thought I could handle this but seems like I can't. I saw him last night at a party were he completely feign that he didn't see me. I stopped him and talked to him like an idiot. It was bad. He told me that I brought it upon myself. That with him it was black and white and still I was trying to convince him that I was good.

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I should take these advices... why don't I???

How to Know When It Is Time to Let Go

Look at the following indicators and check off the ones that apply to a relationship you are in or one you are mentally and emotionally hanging on to. It is time to let go if these indicators are present:

1. You or othe other starts to pull back.

2. You stop feeling safe in the relationship.

3. When the chemical high or excitement wears off, you see the person is truly not compatible.

4. A person is not willing to build a deeper friendship or relationship.

5. You recognize a pattern of choosing the wrong people.

6. You are putting more energy into the relationship than the other person is.

7. When you bring up problems, the other person becomes defensive.

8. You are blamed for the problems in the relationship.

9. You are stagnating.

10. You find the person boring.

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It is so hard for me to stick to my guns and believe I was 'right'... Not 'right' in the sense of right and wrong, but right to express my feelings...

It is so difficult right now. So difficult because yes, I feel I have made a mistake. I feel like I was demanding after only one month of seeing each other. I feel defendant. It's hard for me to stand up for myself as I don't want to appear the way I am. needy.

It seems nothing helps much. I have to stay away from these guys who make me feel this way. I ask advices to people and then act on them, and then end up doubting myself after I get rejected.

Black and white. It's hard to still feel good about what I said, accept that it might have been demanding at the same time, and still let go... Move on... Accept who I am.

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This kind of pain is very tough, tour. I have so been in a similiar spot. I don't know if it helps to say, but you need to be in a relationship that embraces your neediness and where you can embrace his, and it's OK! Yes we have to take care of ourselves and continue to grow and be the adult we need to be, but we will always be needy, and seeing that side of us as beautiful too, to me, is a very big part of being a well-rounded adult. Otherwise, how would we ever have any patience with children? Why wish all that to be gone???

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All in the name of 'getting what I want' I guess. For a while I had operated the same way. Same way as when I lost my first boyfriend that I was really in love with.... In a needy way... After that, I got two other boyfriends over the years that either didn't see that I was needy or didn't mind so much. But somehow, I felt like I only went for them because they accepted me. Which is a good thing in a way, I want someone who wants me, but I also want someone I want and I am attracted to. In ten years, I haven't found that balance. So this is why I question myself and go back and forth in my thinking...

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