Well, after all my reflection and obsession over this and trying to see were I went wrong, I just come to the simple cliche conclusion that you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. My omelette is now done. I may eat it alone for now but it's better than walking on eggshells.
I asked. got an answer. It may not be what I wanted but it was apparent all along that it would come to this. better now then later. He was right in a way.
He can't give me what I want, even if it might be so easy cus it's not much more than what I was given so far. But that's his limit. My limit is higher.
I have to accept that I didn't do anything wrong. That I have to respect myself and what I want and need to feel happy. I did and I owe it to myself to shake my own hand. I didn't do that in the past. I just got the crumbs were given to me, felt bad about myself, felt needy, and it came out eventually... and crashed.
Now I was like 'hey, you may not like it but I need more attention'. That's just the way it is.
So it may not look like an improvement on the outside. And looking at the past two years and all the rejection I encounter, it would appear I am doing things in the very wrong way! But that's only on the outside.
I may have attachment problems, yes. But I know what they are... Working on it. And, in all honesty, sometimes you just need someone who it just doesn't bother. Like everybody has a set of 'problems' and their set of problems just fits well with yours so you're not threaten by them. I have to accept that.
True success is having many defeats without ever giving up.
Being defeated is often a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent.