i know he's frustrated and confused i understand that especially as i was always very sexual, kinky and never said no!

but for the last 2 yrs apart from occasionaly even then i have to really put myself in the mood for it i just dont want to. i get tired in my head with it all even thinking about it makes me tired and doing it makes my body tired! i get anxious as soon as i get into bed and freeze knowing whats coming.

it just goes on and on he tells me i should try i point out i do try and get upset and scared which he knows (though still carries on) he points out i dont try very often he tries to do all the talking thing and i dont want to then after hrs of talking (by then it's arguing) he says we could have done it by then anyway that it wouldnt have been so stressful for me and dragged on as long, sometimes i do give in out of anger i tell him in advance to be aware im not doing it willingly that im angry, during it although im angry even nasty or sometimes i just switch off and just wish he'd hurry up and finish it just goes on forever but he still does it acting all nice and tries to make me enjoy it! no doubt to make himself feel better then afterwards when he asks me how i feel and is all nicey nice i ignore him or tell him what i think of him he gets mad and accuses me of trying to make him feel bad,extremely nasty and that im calling him a rapist!but to be fair by that time i more or less am when i react to his nagging and tell him what i do feel.

he's usually really good and caring to me and always puts me first with anything he's been through a lot of sh!t with and because of me..

but it's awful i hate it im pretty sure it's not right even though i know i should want to make an effort and should want to get help,but i dont even want to do that anymore..i wish sex had never been invented!