im feeling kind of dead numb low or whatever...i dunno just pretty shitty i guess...im trying hard to keep myself from cutting,ive been extremely tempted to go for my wrists something ive never ever done but it's been in my head for days im fighting and fighting it ..no im not suicidal.. i dont know why but for some reason it just feels so right i just want to be clean.

now i sound like a whinging fucking cow, guess i am really lol..why the fuck am i laughing when im not laughing? who ever came up with lol wants their ass kicking the shit out of cos it isnt fucking funny its 3 stupid letters and whenever i feel dumb about saying something i use the fucking things taking the piss out of myself as always.

well fuck it if i didnt get in first someone else would.

to top it all off my internet connection might get cut off anytime now as well which is a bit of a shame cos it's my lifeline!

and in case ive never mentioned it I FUCKING HATE SEX AND I HATE EVERY FUCKER THAT WANTS IT yup i might joke about it and i might be the biggest slapper going but I FUCKING HATE IT

i just want to scream but im too FUCKING TIRED