I realized this morning that I have a protective part of me that says, each morning, "Hey, you survived another day! So, whatever you did yesterday must be safe. Don't do anything you didn't do yesterday."
The problem is, that procedure inevitably results in a minimal existence, because it doesn't say anything about not doing things I did yesterday. So, I'm allowed to do less and less each day, but not more.
Then, when I get tired of doing all of that work just to survive, while getting nothing for myself, I get tantrum-y, and struggle against that existence, but it's already minimal. The alternative seems to be self-destruction.
Neither part wants a real, centered existence, where I get to do what's needed as well as what I want.