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I just realized that I didn't fully explain what I meant by dependency. Prior to my current husband, I never, ever fully let down my guard with anyone. I was always financially and emotionally independent prior to the bouts of depression. Because of my emotional issues, as well as the way my parents raised me, I've always been overly independent.

My current husband is the first man I have let my guard down with. When he told me I was beautiful, I knew he meant it. If he told me I was a good person, I knew he meant it. And now, he says that I can get through this. I know he means this. I just don't think he knows or fully understands the depth of how I feel for him or what I am going through. He's closed that part off. He's had to place a wall up between me and him because he feels that he has to focus fully on himself. While I understand that, it hurts me to the core.

Yes, I'm independent. I can rely solely on me to get my needs met. I have strong supports from my family and my best friend. I just don't want to be independent when it comes to him. I want to be able to share myself fully, with him. Because, I don't think I will be able to fully let me guard down with anyone else again.


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