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Hope everyone is having a better day...



Wow, I can't believe it's been six days since I wrote last.

Right now, I'm in a holding pattern. Yeah! I have my moments but they are few and far between. Those moments are more anxiety and less sadness.

I'm waiting to hear about an apt. and have paid a company to act as a cosigner. So, I'm really hoping that will help. Meanwhile, my moments come from the "What ifs..." What happens if I don't get this apt.? Should I keep looking in this area? Those kinds of things.

I talked to my husband a couple of times. He was really sick for awhile but getting better. It helps that I can talk to him to find out if he's feeling better, but not stress about our relationship. I'm not sure how he's going to react when I see him again without wearing my wedding ring. But, this has been his call. And, I have to adjust in my own way.

I hope everyone is finding their own moments of peace. I have to get mine from wherever I can. My dad is a "clown". So, I can always expect something from him to laugh about. I think it helps him as much as it helps me. Laughter...

My mom is my rock. But for the first time several days ago, she let me know that she needs me too. I don't mean that she said she loves me. We always tell each other we love each other because we've lost so many people that we love. We know how important it is to let each other know it as long as we can. What I mean is, she let me know that I'm important to her. And, that's something totally different... It feels good to know that I am as important to her as she is to me and that I am a source of strength for her. Sometimes, I feel so weak... Especially in light of her strength...

But, all is better... I would write good, but I'm not there yet. Right now, I'm happy to settle for being good at this moment. Hope everyone has a good day...



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Thank you so much. I appreciate the positive vibes. Today, I'm going to need them. I should find out about the apt. today, and I made an appointment with Community Mental Health.

Because I have Medicare, a lot of Community Mental Health facilities here won't accept me. They say it's an ability to pay issue. Just talking to the initial screener was hard, even though she was pretty nice to me. I passed the first part of the screening, but have to pass a second screening today. Today I was told to expect a two hour, two part interview. I expect that to be even tougher because yesterday's raked up issues that I've been handling, but partly because I haven't been dwelling on them (like suicide).

So, I expect an emotional day. But, I'm staying positive. If I can make it through the mental health interviews, I know I can make it through the rest of my day. Waiting to here positive news about the apt. helps. I hope today is an even better day for you than yesterday.

Take care,


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oh God Bless You and Good Luck!

It took me nearly a year to find a doctor and I have Aetna Insurance but no one was taking new patients. It was so freaking frustrating.

The Mental Health Clinics wouldn't touch me because I had this private insurance and they wouldn't let me go out of Network and pay on a Sliding Scale becuz I would be charged nothing due to my income. I was pulling out my hair.

But its our year 2010 so I'm sure everything is going to work your way.

Let us know how it goes.


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Hi Vicki,

I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. It's been a very hectic few days. I finally found an apartment!!! Yeah!!!

Don't stop trying to find a clinic. I'm from Michigan and every county has different regulations in their community mental health system. When I lived in Saginaw and Genesee counties, I didn't qualify for their services. (Since I worked in both those systems, I didn't want to receive services there anyway. No faith in confidentiality...) However, I continued to keep an eye out for something I'd qualify for.

In Genesee, it didn't work out. But in Saginaw, I eventually found two different clinics. I was seen briefly at one before the program was shut down. Several months later, I found a mental health clinic that was run in a Catholic church. It was specifically for people that might fall through the cracks seeking traditional services, either because of insurance issues or extremely long waiting lists. Turns out, I saw a male for the first time. And even though I'd never seen a male before, he was a very good therapist that I trusted a lot. So, don't give up...

Take care,


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