I am now pretty 'mature' of age. There's a fear and melancholy in me about it. It is because of what is around me. People ten years my juniors. Everywhere. In positions much more prominent at work, telling me what to do... In budding relationships with hopes and dreams, in houses, with nice cars, and nice appliances. Nice bodies and skin and hair.

I am not that bad myself, but I feel some sort of dull pressure to 'get there' and 'getting there', it seems, I have little control over. I try to keep on doing things that can lead me there, but something always gets in the way. After 4-5 years of trucking along at work and not getting a promotion, I loose my patience for instance.

Anyway. Complaining complaining.